If ever there was a pair of jeans so hideous they make you question the existence of a loving god, it would be Topshop’s new mom jeans. I’ve learned to tolerate your average high-waisted, light wash jeans out of sheer necessity because otherwise I would have clawed my eyes out a long time ago, and I don’t want to mess up my nails like that. But this particular pair? Is an abomination.
Their name says it all—“Clear Panel Mom Jeans.” I repeat. Clear. Panel. Mom. Jeans.
The most heinous part of this heinous article of clothing is clearly the plastic windows offering a peek at the wearer’s kneecaps for some unfathomable reason. Are kneecaps supposed to be the new sexy body part? Because most people’s are just kind of knobby.
But the madness doesn’t stop there. The jeans are also acid wash—ugh—and super high-waisted—double ugh—and they’re cropped to the exact length it takes to create the illusion of cankles.
Oh, and they’re $95, which makes sense considering only hipsters with a poor grasp of irony and the weight of a trust fund behind them would think about buying these. Needless to say, Twitter did what it does best and roundly mocked the jeans’ very existence.
Between plastic mom jeans and all Lisa Frank everything, I have to say 2017 fashion is a huge disappointment so far. Excuse me while I slip into a pair of my own mom jeans and take away its TV privileges for a week.