TheSkimm Wants You To Pay Them For Shit You Don’t Need

You should know what theSkimm is by now. The less funny version of The ‘Sup, the daily reminder that’s in your inbox at 6 o’clock every morning, informing you not only that shit happened in the world yesterday besides your best friend getting dumped and the grocery store being out of kale, but that some batshit crazy people ARE awake before 9 am.

Ugh. Don’t sign me up.

Well, the two founders decided to take things a step further and created a subscription service in the form of an iPhone app that costs $2.99 per month. They say it’s less than you spend at Starbucks a day, which honestly is the truth. But what fugly girl actually uses a Keurig? Do we look like middle-aged soccer moms?

This app gives you the option of integrating all the shit that’s coming up in the world/news into your personal iCal or just keeping it separate as a calendar in the actual app. I tried out the former and nearly had a panic attack when looking at my iCal. All those little dots in my calendar made me feel like I actually had shit to do and that’s just something I like to avoid.

The upcoming events that theSkimm thinks you care about includes shit like the Game of Thrones premiere, when Passover begins, upcoming primaries, the Fed announcing when they will raise interest rates—you get the idea.

TBH, this is fucking stupid. Why would I pay $3 a month for a fucking calendar—which already comes on my phone for free, btw—that notifies me when Passover starts, when I can go to Duane Reade one time a year and buy a $3 planner that will do the same shit? My paper agenda will not only tell me when to host the first seder, it even tells me about other useless holidays, like Canadian Mother’s Day. So…tell me again why I need this? Let alone pay for it? I’ve never paid for an app in my entire life and I’m not about to start now. Nice try, though.


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