The University of Alabama Is Extremely Racist: Betches Hate This Scandal

This week in stories from redneck America, there's a big scandal at the University of Alabama because the all-white sororities refuse to let black girls in. Why am I not surprised. This is Alabama and I'm almost positive but too lazy to google that this is the same college from that scene in Forrest Gump where the army had to force integration and escort the first black girl into the school (and Forrest runs up and goes “Ma'am! you dropped your book!” in the most hilarious way). Now I know what Jay-Z meant when he said history don't repeat itself it rhymes, he was clearly talking about sorority discrimination.

This all came to light because an African American girl (who's remaining anonymous, respect) was rejected from every all-white sorority at Alabama despite being a “highly qualified candidate.” (Naturally we question what it means to be “qualified” for a sorority but that's an issue for another time.) Supposedly she had very “high marks” during rush from the sorority girls themselves, but she was rejected because the alumni wouldn't let them give the black girl a bid and threatened to stop giving them money. (Everyone knows money is the most important thing.) 

I can vividly imagine these old white southern bitches who have nothing to care about except the sorority they were in decades ago, and nothing to look forward to except their KKK alumni meetings where they get to wear their special fancy dress and stupid sorority pin and relive the old plantation memories. Isn't it enough that we let black people come here AT ALL, now they want to join our sororities! There will be girls there in their bathingsuits! 

Of course the university wants to claim absolutely no involvement or endorsement of these policies. But if the administration actually cared about discrimination, they probably should've done something about it before it became national news. Would they have done anything if it didn't become national news? Considering it's literally their job, they're arguably way more at fault than the sorority girls themselves who say they would've let the black girl in if not under pressure from their batshit alumni.

But the racist fun doesn't end there! The school-sanctioned student government is known to have a secret society called The Machine, which is made up of members of the all-white sororities and frats. There's an explanation in the New York Times (you know it?) about how this society has influenced city politics (I use the word city loosely) for like 100 years, but that was less interesting to me than the story of how these sororities offered limo rides, free drinks, and sorority “points” to girls in exchange for voting for some alumni in a school board election. Talk about democracy! I'd write in my dog for a free drink.

I mean, this college just stopped throwing Confederate themed parties in 2010, so even less than I can grasp what would possess someone to throw such a party, I can't grasp how the Greek system at the University of Alabama took longer than the Nazis to realize it is not chic to keep reminding everyone of the fucked up shit you did to minorities. 


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