The Betchiest Housewife of Beverly Hills

Season 2, Episode 20: I Now Pronounce You Paul and a Healthy Colon

We'll admit last night was a littleee boring but we guess they had to end season 2 on a positive note, which they did by giving us Kevin Lee dressed like he just stepped off a gay 70s porn set, and a beautiful million-dollar wedding regurgitation of the Barbie Store inside a tent. Anyway we can't wait for the reunion eps, especially the part where Kyle calls Lisa manipulative. WHAT WILL LISA SAY IN RESPONSE!!??

As usual, Lisa won, probably because she was the star of the episode, not because we're extremely biased.

Oh and before these recaps are dunzo, note to Bravo: it's so tacky when you display the prices of things the housewives buy. Cake: $9,500. Class: priceless.



“Life in Beverly Hills is a game, and I've officially won this season's competition on” 5 points


+1: “We wanted it intimate, so we just used part of my tennis court. If I weren't so rich this wouldn't be a problem but what can I say, I have a large tennis court.”

-1: For her little pole dance on the tennis court while saying “it'll be perfect for CAMILLE” … sorry Lis take a look around, no one's pole dancing except you.

scott disick

+1: You actually look so pretty in your tank and leggings, a hard feat for a 50 something year old. Way to show off your skinny arms.


+2: How many Mexican immigrants does it take to make a Vanderpump wedding?

+2: Max looks very very high. I guess we would be too, the food is probably going to be epic.

-1: The triplet clone makeup artists were creepy. And still, 3 makeup artists and Pandora's doing her own eyeliner?

+1: Awkward that Lisa looks skinnier and prettier than Pandora on her wedding day. Also awkward that Pandy's dress cost less than the cake, but what else to expect. Ok fine, she actually did a good job with her wedding diet. And despite all the pink, the wedding was beautiful and we wish we'd been invited to such an intimate affair (of merely 200).

-1: It's hard to walk down the aisle with the VDP swag/waddle.

+1: For bringing pics of Pandora's wedding to Kyle's get together. What a great way to make sure the entire episode is about you even though someone's husband just committed su, so betchy.

[The Ken's Speech: Kinda weak. He didn't even say Pandora was pretty, he said she's part of a pretty couple – awkz. But way to go with dropping Lisa's book title “Simply Divine” in there. You might get it in for that.]

scott disickLooks like something Lisa would vomit




“Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, apparently this new bitch Elizabeth is?” 2 points


+1: You invited your friend over to help you pick out a dress, aka tell you that you look stunning in what you already picked out. Wait, who's this new girl Elizabeth? Where's DD? Free DD! -1: Was your dress by Pamela Dennis? Were you paid to mention that? +1: You want to convert to Judiaism because of what the yarmulke represents… so what, a turban was too big? +1: A new boyfriend who's straight! Good for you!



“Having it all isn't easy, it means we have a lot of colonoscopies too” 1 point


-1: Paul has had several colonoscopies? EW Bravo, TMI. If there's one thing I'm not interested in it's the inner workings of Paul Nassif's colon. +2: You're there to “support” your husband but you walk out immediately. “I'm all for moral support but Paul asking me to do something I don't want to do? Like, no.”

scott disickHitting the tanning beds a little too hard, Jas?


“I may not be the richest girl in Beverly Hills, as you can see by my husband's lack of clothing” 0 points


-1: Mauricio doesn't own a tux?? And he's supposed to be a rich pro? Even Giggy has a tux! +1: For not crying this week…we can't even believe we're awarding points for this. What the fuck happened to you Kyle?



“People try to figure me out, but if they really want to, they should just read Kyle's book section on 'Sisterly Love'” 0 points


-1: Why aren't you at this wedding? Too busy packing…your percocets? +1: On a serious note we're glad you went to rehab and more importantly dumped that psychotic cyclops



“No one's been this nice to me in fucking years” -1 point


-1: Writing your memoirs? Even YOU can afford a ghost writer.

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