Merry X-mas Eve day, my WASBy friends. Seeing as betches are superior beings who had the myth of Santa Claus figured out since before we could even talk (shit) and call our parents out for their straight up lies, we've always known that the so-called “naughty or nice” list that's been feared by gullible Christians everywhere, is total bullshit. However we obvs love the idea of sorting people into lists because it involves organized judging of them, so we've revised the idea to create our very own Naughty or Nicegirl List. To be clear, the “naughty” list is NOT synonymous with betchiness, as should be inferred from K-Stew's mere presence on it, but we know a lot of idiots read this site so we felt the need the clear that up for you. Finally, unlike the diligent losers at the North Pole, we only checked this shit once, fucking duh.
The Naughty List
1. Rihanna – RiRi is first on the naughty list because, of all these trainwrecks, Rihanna is the only one who has remained super betchy during her naughtiest year yet. She rolled and smoked j's wherever she damn well pleased, got back together with the guy who everyone in the world is very aware beat the shit out of her because she DGAF what anyone thinks, and she also sparked more than a couple brawls between more than a couple rappers. And yet, she had more hit singles than I care to count and honestly just seemed like she had a great ass year.
2. Linzlo – We’ve said it before and know it’s not so nice, but the day Linzlo doesn’t make this list, will almost definitely be due to her joining the Forever 27 Club. I mean how many times was she arrested this year? Seriously, we’re asking. The bitch has spent more time in a courtroom than fucking Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
3. Mandy Bynes – She got in like a million car accidents, locked herself in some public bathrooms and just all around lost her shit. Amanda Watch may or may not need to continue into the new year, but 2012 gave her naughty side a great start.
4. K Stew – We obviously all fucking know why K Stew is on this list so we don’t need to dwell. Maybe 2013 will be the year she learns to keep her legs closed and her acting to a minimum.
5. Miley Cyrus – She got engaged while still a teenager, chopped off all her hair, and humped a stripper. Not to mention she showed enough sideboob to make even the perviest gym teacher say enough already. Congrats Miley, you went from betch of whom we were jealous to a weirdo who can’t sit with us.
The Nicegirl List
1. Adele – This should have been the betchiest year of Adele’s life. She got super famous, won a shit ton of Grammys, and she’s still only 24, perfect age for nonstop partying and pointless traveling. But no, she decides to spend the remainder of her 20s raising a massive party foul. So disappointing. So much betch wasted on such a nicegirl.
2. Lady Gaga – A couple years ago, Gaga was the most cutting edge pop star out there. She had hit after hit song, she was touring and chainsmoking in exoctic places all over the world, and she was super skinny because, as she said, she “wasn’t eating enough.” This year all Gaga did was get fat and tweet pictures of her fat self so the world knew she was proud of how fat she is. Can’t get much nicer than that. Sure many of our GBFFs still love her, but they also still worship Liza Minelli so we’re quite unsure what the future holds for one Stefani Germanotta.
3. Rachel McAdams – Regina George is turning over in her grave. Back in ’06, riding the wave of success from Mean Girls, Rach was in tons of huge movies and was soon after dating Betches' Sexiest Man Alive Ryan Gosling. This year the only movie she was in was The Vow, which was without a doubt the nicest nicegirliest movie the world has ever seen. And she’s engaged to Michael Sheen aka Wesley Snipes from 30 Rock, aka shave your beard and take a fucking shower because you look like a dirty gremlin.
4. Camille Grammer – Does anyone remember the first season/still married version of Camille? Huge fucking bitch. Bravo Andy named her the most hated housewife ever, and coming from a franchise that featured Danielle Staub, that my frenemies, is an achievement. Cut to 2012 and her new nickname is Saint Camille, despite the fact that she continues to talk about how small Frasier's dick is every time she has a camera in her face. Way to go seriously under the radar and keep up the nicegirl image Camille. She must have traded in the Colorado mansion for the best PR team in the fucking world.
5. Perez Hilton – His days of drawing penises and coke/ejaculation trails on the faces of Hollywood’s most promising train wrecks are long gone. Now Perez is skinny, starring in a Broadway musical and like, can't stop talking about his fucking mom. Honestly, 2012 was the year of Perez the nicegirl and because of this, 2013 will be the year we all bid adieu to this pink haired homo once and for all. Betch of the Week, my ass.