I am having a dilemma regarding a guy I have been talking to for a while. We met on Halloween through a mutual friend. He lives in a different town than me, about an hour away, but he’s in my city a lot for work. He was very nice, so when he started messaging me I was excited. I was worried about the age difference from the start, (I’m 19 and he’s 25) and I’m in university while he has a full-time job. We have been texting almost everyday for about three months, and I’ve somehow only seen him approximately 5 times. He always talks about seeing me, but sucks at actually making plans. For being so much older, he’s always kind of shy around me, and tells me that I make him nervous—Um are you 25 or 13? It took about four times seeing each other before he even kissed me, and that’s as far as its gone. I like him as a person, but as a university student I have definitely still been going out, and being drunk has led to the occasional hookup, and a few casual dates. I have felt a little weird about hooking up with someone and then texting this guy the next day, but it’s not like we’re exclusive. The other day the guy I have been talking to sent me a message about making our relationship more official. I don’t know how to tell this guy that I don’t want to be exclusive. If I’m hooking up with other guys and going out on dates I’m clearly not ready to start a relationship. I don’t want to make this guy feel as though he has been wasting his time, and I hate the idea of hurting his feelings. Side note: Was I being slutty by seeing guys while talking to someone? Does this make me a bad person? I’d love some help in how to handle this situation like a Betch (since I know at this point I’m certainly not feeling very Betchy).
That Nicegirl who needs Betch lessons
Dear Nice Girl,
As a general rule, I don’t give betch lessons because I’m not running a fucking charity over here. Your situation is really not all that complex, certainly not complex enough to warrant writing in but what the hell, it’s 3:30pm on a Friday and I’ve got nothing else to do but drink a beer and do my weekly good deed for the world. If you don’t want to be exclusive with this dude (which, I mean I don’t blame you for not wanting to—he sounds like such a big pussy that I’m sure it’s exhausting), just fucking tell him? “Thanks, but no thanks.” There’s no magical combination of words you can say that will immediately dissolve all his disappointment/hurt feelings/whatever. He very well may be bummed, but it’s really not your problem. This is the reality of dating. Every single dater (except me, because I’m perfect) encounters someone who’s just not that into them at some point, and it’s really not the end of the world. Not being into someone doesn’t make you a bad person. Pretending to be into someone for an extended period of time just to get free shit might make you a bad person, but not feeling it? Nah bro. You good. Just be honest. Or if that’s too much for you, I guess you could ghost him.
New phone, who dis?