Do you ever just sit and look at your life like, WTF, where did it all go wrong? Well, I’ll tell you. Your demise actually started in 4th grade.
You played M.A.S.H. and it played you back. It said you’d live in an apartment, married to the grossest kid in class, with 10 kids and driving a bike instead of a car. Look around. Are you in an apartment right now? Yes. It’s only beginning.
That weird kid James who farted a lot and picked his nose constantly will probably make a resurgence in your life to sweep you off your feet any time now.
If you’re super confused right now and thought this was going to be a post about a 70s TV show set in the midst of the Korean War, you are very sadly mistaken. M.A.S.H. is a two-player pencil game. It stands for Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House, obviously, and was used in elementary school to predict the future (with accuracy, mind you). If you need more info than that go here, loser.
M.A.S.H. was the go-to for betches in training who had some down time during recess or silent reading. Why so popular, you ask? Because it allowed us to think of the most heinous, horrible future for our friends and then watch with gleeful delight as your bestie’s future life ended up just a little bit more pathetic than your own.
A good game of M.A.S.H. left you with that extra boost of confidence only Instagram likes can bring you now. Having a good day meant you were going to live in a mansion, with the class hottie, while driving a red Corvette, having two kids, and probably living somewhere your Barbies were from, i.e. Malibu.
No one has said it, but I’m, like, pretty sure the last game of M.A.S.H you played is actually how your future ends up. Unless you’re a hoarder and in possession of the notebook paper you last played with, you can’t prove me wrong. Have fun in your shack.