Looks like Taylor Swift has officially begun her apology tour/image rehabilitation strategy. A few days ago, Swift broke her social media silence with an innocuous Instagram video of her cat—pretty boring and nothing offensive about it at all, except for the fact that she dared naming her strange-looking cat after Olivia Benson, but whatever. That’s fine. Over the weekend, desperate to shed her snake-like image, Taylor Swift did a duet with Nelly.
At Karlie Kloss’ 24th birthday party (lol feel old and washed up yet?), Nelly got up to sing his song “Dilemma” and invited Taylor to join him onstage. Well played, Taylor. In case none of you realize how smart of a move this is, I will break down for you why this is a genius PR maneuver.
First of all, you get any group of millennials together (like, on the internet) and throw in even the smallest bit of nostalgia, and people are going to fucking go crazy for that shit. On top of that, is there any musical artist from the early 2000’s more beloved than Nelly? Probably not. Obviously the goal is that the internet gets so caught up in the “OMG Taylor and Nelly need to do a collab for realz!!!” hype that they forget how much Taylor sucks. And just from reading a few headlines about the video, it’s already working.
Delve a little further, and you’ll see why “Dilemma” was a perfect choice of song for Taylor’s attempted comeback. Who was originally featured on this track with Nelly? None other than Kelly Rowland. This is important because Kelly is well-known enough and is still somewhat relevant (unlike Michelle), but, in simplest terms, she’s not Beyoncé. If Taylor tried to cover a Beyoncé track, nobody on this earth would have it. Similarly, if she came for Michelle, that would just make her look like an even bigger snake, because all Michelle really has going for her anymore are her former Destiny’s Child glory days—taking that away from her would be pretty fucked up. Kelly, therefore, is a perfect choice. This is exactly the thing Taylor needs right now.
If you watch the video, it’s clear Taylor is working her way back to cultivating her innocent-girl image. As betches, we cannot let this happen! Watch closely.
— Taylor Nation SG (@taylornationSG) August 7, 2016
Notice how when Nelly calls her up onstage she acts all, “Who, me? I couldn’t!” and then .5 seconds later she’s practically got a choreographed dance routine worked out. Typical Taylor. If we’re not careful, she’ll be back to her ex-shading, Gumby-dancing ways in no time. That’s why, in times like these, it’s extra important we remain vigilant.
First the cat video, now this. I’m calling it now: Taylor will be doubling down on the nicegirl routine in the coming weeks. What’s next? Random flash mobs? Surprising fans with cookies? Anything could happen, except for an apology to Kanye. Stay tuned. Stay woke. The world needs your hating and criticism now more than ever.