Get ready to pair wine with shampoo, tampons, Kleenex, paper towels, Doritos, a bandage skirt, well really fucking everything because Target is selling their own brand of wine now. Imagine all of those times you went to Target to buy one thing and left after spending $200. Now it’s going to be $220 because each bottle of Target wine costs $5, so you might as well grab as many will fit in your basket.
The brand is called “California Roots,” which is funny because god only knows where this wine gets bottled. I don’t want to yuck your yum, but don’t pretend that this was bottled at Nick Parker’s vineyard in Napa. California Roots includes Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, Moscato, Cabernet Sauvignon, and a red blend. So all the “dry” Sauvignon Blanc lovers will still need to pony up at the Trader Joe’s Wine Shop.
The wine line officially debuts on September 3, just in time for your Labor Day blackout. Target knows their fucking customer: first Lilly Pulitzer and now California Roots. Give whoever thought of this a raise and pay them from the amount of money I will personally be spending on California Roots Pinot Grigio.