Hurdles runner Sydney McLaughlin was McLaughing in everyone’s face (sorry, I’ll go kill myself now) when she was the youngest person to qualify for the Olympics in track since 1972. The 16-year-old freak of nature got her ass over like, at least 4 hurdles on a track and therefore is going the the 2016 Rio Olympics. At 16 I had a crush on Kevin fucking Jonas and still thought that Heelys were cool. Sidenote, someone please fucking bring back Heelys. Heely Racing: now that’s an Olympic event I would watch.
Anyway, take a look at the video that got this betch to Rio. Too lazy to watch a whole video? I get it. Here’s an Instagram that basically captures the relevant points.
A few odd things I’ve noticed. Let’s start with the fact that her hair looks better than mine when I get ready to go out. In fact, multiple runners in the video have their hair down. DOWN. The only time any betch has ever ran without her hair in a ponytail is the morning after a one-night stand, and that’s just because she couldn’t find her hair tie. Just leave it. Fucking leave it.
Secondly, she is gorgeous, but also looks at least 24 years old, no? Like, she looks very sophisticated and mature with flawless skin, which is peculiar for a 16-year-old. Maybe it’s the thousands of hours put into training her body and not drinking or staying up all night or having any fun. Either way, this teenager looks older and prettier than me, and while I am glad for Sydney, I’m salty for myself.
Lastly, her name, Sydney McLaughlin, is eerily similar to Sarah Mclachlan. Like, in the arms of the angel, don’t fly…run and jump over tall fences away from here.
We congratulate this betch for being better than any of us ever will be at running away from our problems.