Get Coffee WIth A Side Of Blow Job At Switzerland’s New Oral Sex Cafe

Switzerland is generally a pretty betchy country. Swiss bank accounts keep you rich. The Swiss Alps are the chicest place on the planet to hit the slopes (sorry, Aspen). Swiss cheese is fucking delicious. And Swiss people are really hot. The only thing going against them is that the whole “neutrality” thing gets a little boring, but look at us across the pond. We’re not neutral or boring and now a blond Oompa Loompa has a 50/50 shot at being our next president so maybe we should try it idk.

In not so betchy news, however, the Swiss are being creepy AF and opening an oral sex cafe, where fuckboys can get a beej while they sip their morning cup of Joe. Like literally, it is called the Fellatio Cafe (barf). But don’t worry. Prostitution is legal in Switzerland as long as the workers have permits (is there like, a class?) so it’s really nbd.

In simple terms, men (yes men, because women aren’t this fucking desperate/disgusting) come in, choose plain coffee or a macchiato, then get an iPad to browse through a roster of prostitutes so they can choose which one they want to suck them off before carrying on with their day. I have so many questions. Is this just out in the open or is there like a private room? Are pastries available? What the fuck is the matter with you people?

Can you not even drink a latte without being a sex offender? I mean, not once have I taken a sip of my nonfat iced cinnamon chai and said, “You know what would really take this to the next level? No, not biscotti or a pump of vanilla… Oral sex!” But you do you, Switzerland. Just know I’m sticking with Starbucks.


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