The Founder of Subway Died, Thanks Jared

The founder of Subway died this weekend, so RIP to the man who made millions off of soggy bread and non-organic turkey. Story true: Jared's pedophilia killed him.

Tbh this man didn't do much for Betches except make us crave bread before prom and suffer “$5 footlong” jokes – it wasn't funny in 2008, it's not funny now. I haven't been in a Subway since my 8th grade field trip to Washington DC, but I'll still celebrate a man who created the only fast food restaurant whose majority of profits doesn't stem from drunk eating.

True, it's not like the founder of Chipotle or Starbucks died, but still, without him we might never have known the absolute ecstasy of eating a sandwich while hungover.


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