A Strongly Worded Letter to Miley’s Engagement

Dear Engagement,

As nice of a gesture that you are, we are trying to fully grasp why you had to come so soon. You remind us of our periods, appearing out of nowhere and staining our underwear preconceived notions that Miley was normal.

Did you have ulterior motives Engagement? Were you conditional, perhaps due to the fact Milez put anal on the table?

miley cyrus engagement

We can forgive another person for getting engaged before us, but under the condition that you're not the ONLY new surprise in MC's life. We know we know, it's not your fault Liam has extremely speedy sperm, but if Miley has to give up Blackout Wednesdays and Wake and Bake Everydays to nurse World's Worst Party Foul, we will be genuinely disappointed.


What would God say? What would Miley's drug dealer say? What would Billy Ray say? Hee Haw?

Well now you know we have something to say, Engagement, and it's that if you fail to pressure Miley to exchange her measly 3.5 carats for 8 or higher, we expect to be invited to Wedding. Okay fine, signed copies of all four seasons of Hannah Montana will do.

In jealousy and confusion,




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