A Strongly Worded Letter To Harambe Bros

Dear “Dicks Out For Harambe” Dicks,

In case you forgot, in May this year, some kid got into the gorilla exhibit at the Cincinnati Zoo and then the gorilla was shot before it could attack the child. As if we could forget. Ever since then, bros everywhere have been expressing their solidarity for the gorilla Harambe in the most douchey way possible.

There’s a strong correlation between fuckboys and their love for Harambe. Coincidence? Definitely not. Shooting this gorilla wasn’t anyone’s intention, but some punk kid escaped and got into its cage and after some quick but bad judgment, the zoo killed the gorilla. Did anyone know the name of the gorilla before it happened? I mean, not really. Why TF are bros so obsessed with Harambe? It’s a combination of them finding it ironic to care about something and the fact that the name “Harambe” is fun for them to yell while crushing Buds on their rooftops at 3pm.

I mean, literally that is why bros won’t let it go. If Harambe’s name was something lame like Christopher, this would never have happened. But instead, bros relish the excuse of yelling out a vaguely ethnic sounding word that could almost sound offensive without the proper context.

Another shitty thing about Harambe bros is the fact that there really is shit going on in the world and therefore it’s a slap in the face to the real issues. Like yes, the gorilla is quite tragic, but did you know actual humans are getting shot? At least the Cincinnati Zoo was apologetic, but we can’t say the same for mass shootings and police brutality.

Like remember in high school when the “real men wear pink” trend started and bros everywhere went from salmon to full-on hot pink polos? At first it was endearing and a little funny, but eventually it was overkill. Harambe is worse than that. At least the pink was nice to look at, but Harambe memes are just rude.

The fact that bros say “Dicks out for Harambe” is just further proof that it’s just an arrogant excuse to show off their male privilege. Put your dicks away and go sign a petition for something that actually matters. Harambe did not die for you to stick your dicks out!

Although, when Mark Hoppus from Blink 182 tweeted about Harambe we did feel slightly conflicted. But we stand by our case. Stop yelling about Harambe. It’s not cute.


A Betch Who’s Keeping Her Tits In For Harambe


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