A Strongly Worded Letter To Captcha

Dear Captcha,

We need to fucking talk. Normally I don’t talk to people or inanimate concepts that are annoying af, but this time I’m making an exception because I can’t deal with this shit anymore. When you first became a thing, I sort of understood your utility. Even though you obviously don’t stop robots from spamming websites given that Drake and Future tickets sold out one hour into the presale, I can appreciate the idea behind the concept. That being said, you are doing the absolute fucking most right now. I remember the good old days when all you had to do was type in a few random numbers displayed in an image file. Then you started trying to confuse us with ambiguous letters that could literally be any or no letters in the English alphabet. And even then I was able to more or less do it without issues. But now? This shit is fucking ridiculous. I graduated from college and I can’t figure this shit out. Let’s look at some real examples that I screenshotted.

“Select all squares with street signs”? Seems simple enough, until you actually try to do it. If one square has a tiny corner of the sign, does it count? If it has just the post of the sign but not the sign itself does that count or nah? I should not be having an existential crisis over what constitutes a sign when all I’m trying to do is buy some fucking shirts.

Here we fucking go again. So I’m just supposed to know which of these bodies of waters are rivers? What if they’re lakes? Or bays? Or like, streams? Does that waterfall count as a river? Am I just supposed to have an innate knowledge of all the world’s rivers committed to memory? 

Inventors of captcha, are you guys fucking kidding me with this shit? This has gotten so out of hand. I’ve seen captchas where I’ve had to draw a box around a street sign, or “select all the images with tea”—like, I can’t tell if that dark-colored liquid substance in that mug is coffee or tea! I’m not a psychic! You all have got to calm the fuck down with this. I should not have to solve the damn DaVinci code just to post one online comment. These are not nuclear launch codes. Just have me check one fucking box that says “Yes, I am human.” It is really not that deep. 

Do Wayyyy Fucking Less,

The Betches


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