Strongly Worded Letter To Bros That Use The Word Epic

There’s a special kind of person that uses this word.  And by special, we mean your mom is the only one that calls you special, not VIP kind of special. Because while the word epic used to describe battles of blood and glory, it’s now been so dumbed down it can only be used in sentences not worthy of the English language.  Let’s take a look at a few examples.

“Oh man, tonight’s going to be so epic, we’re meeting up with those girls from Instagram and getting bottle service at Tenjune.”

“Dude my weekend was so epic I barfed on a subway platform this morning and I think I’m still drunk.”

When using the word “epic” to describe your weekend/night/day/work-out, what you’re really saying is, “I learned to talk from watching Jersey Shore and I don’t think punching a girl is so wrong.”

Unless you just sacrificed your first born to Poseidon, no, your music festival experience was not epic. Sure, you had fun listening to a guy press buttons on a stage while you were rolling deep, but again, not epic. Insane, at best.  It’s not like we’re not familiar with hyperboles, but this one is just fucking annoying.

We can accept if you just cannot or if you are literally dying, but once the word has been used to title a children’s animated film made by the creators of Ice Age, it’s over.  Frankly speaking, there are times when you could possibly use this word and it would be fine, but it’s so passé that you can probably think of something else to say.  Even if you were Wolf of Wall Street-ing with actual Leo on a yacht covered in coke, it’s much cooler to play it off as NBD and totally casual.  Because the chances of things being actually epic when you say they are are lower than your standards.


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