A Strongly Worded Letter To People Who Are Always Doing Activities

To all the energizer bunnies/annoying fucks out there:

Have you ever just sat on your couch and scrolled through Instagram even though you’ve already seen everything new? Or have you ever heard of Netflix? Or drinking wine by yourself on Monday night because Friday is far away? Clearly fucking not because you won’t stop asking me to do things with you.

The texts to constantly hang out, grab food, see a movie, go to the mall need to stop. I happen to enjoy my time by myself because unlike you, I don’t suck. Betches need time for introspective reflection (read: not doing shit) and you’re seriously ruining my alone time.

I understand seeing your Lilly planner be blank gives you anxiety, but find a hobby. Or actually, don’t. Learn how to not do anything and fucking enjoy it. Always being busy and expecting me to always be busy as well is just a way to set yourself up for failure.  When you ask me to go get a manicure with you so you can tell me all about how exciting your new yoga class is, I will clearly say no because I’d rather listen to the Asian ladies talk shit in Chinese than listen to you talk about mastering downward dog. Nobody gives a fuck – call your mom.

Being busy is not a good thing – despite what people like you think. Whoever came up with this idea that people are most productive when they are busy was clearly not a betch…and pale with bad nail beds since they clearly had no alone time to reflect on personal appearance decisions.

Alone time is almost as precious to a betch as her relationship with their drug dealer. Don’t interrupt a betch’s alone time and try to get her to go food shopping with you because you love constant company. Clearly you must fucking suck if you can’t bear to spend 5 seconds by yourself doing nothing.

We understand the art of doing nothing is a hard one to master, but with diligence and training you will soon realize it’s much better than being busy and bothering everyone else to do shit like go on hikes with your dog.

Unless you will be paying for my drinks (and accepting my desire to blackout), call someone else who cares and enjoys running around like a batshit crazy loser. I’ll be on the couch not giving a fuck and enjoying my life.


The Betches


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