Dear Betch: How Do I Get Rid of My NYE Hookup?


It is January 5th, approximately five days after New Years, and I am still getting snapchats from him. (“Him” would be the guy I met at a bar on New Years Eve and the guy I went home with after the clock struck 12). You would think the kid has gotten over me, I mean shit. I didn’t think that I was that good of a kisser. Yes, I said kisser. We didn’t do much more, but I’ll leave the details up to your imagination. Anyway, I’m thinking maybe he is attached to me because of our bonding the morning after. I woke up butt-ass naked under the covers next to him. I’m sorry…  Did I say butt-ass naked? I meant naked with my socks on. We did our fair share of canoodling, but it was not over in the morning. It was as if he was waiting for the moment my eyes opened, because he just went right in for it yet again. He rolled over on top of me (not to mention with very precise precaution because he had a broken foot) and began eating my face. The making out was honestly so overwhelming to the point that I found myself pulling away, which quite frankly is not my style. So to put the icing on the cake, we had a little obstacle to face before I could leave his house.

Turns out he brought me home to his father’s house… where his father resides… and where his father was sitting in the kitchen outside of the bedroom. He proceeded to tell me that I couldn’t leave yet because his father would be so mad at him to find out a girl was in the house. I immediately contacted my fellow shacking friend who had gone home with her boy from the bar – just like me! She agreed to pick me up, but it would take some planning. Said boy that I was still lying naked next to said he could have his father bring him for an errand so they could leave the house to me. Yep, I would have the house to myself! So considerate!

I quickly got dressed in my clothes that reeked of smoke and alcohol. Anyway, I was finally (thank God) left alone in the room. Tragically, I could hear the father walking the hallways here and there as I sat on the bed for a solid 16 minutes. Out of fear, I decided my best bet would be to hide on the floor perfectly in between the bed and the window so I could not be seen. If this father were to walk in, he would only see an unmade bed – perfect! I waited patiently for about ten more minutes until my evening mate texted me that he and his father had left the house. I immediately turned off the light switch he faithfully left on and walked in to the empty living room. I sat at the bar stool while I still had to wait for my slut of a friend to pick me up. Boy told me to lock the door on my way out, and that was it. Hopefully, I’l never see that house again, but unfortunately, I have seen the kid’s face seven times a day ever since. Damn Snapchat. What on earth do I do (even when I am already not responding) when this boy won’t stop Snapchatting me?

With my love,

Slutty & Tired of Snapchats from a boy who took me to his Daddy’s house

OK Shakespeare,

So you mean to tell me you sent this long, drawn-out email basically telling me your entire life story, when you could have just said:

Dear Betch,

I made out with this guy (note, the use of the word “guy” and not “kid”) on NYE, and  now he won’t stop snapchatting me. How do I lose him?

OK so…you really don’t want to see this guy’s snapchats? Don’t open them. Or, better yet: block him. At least, that’s what I’d tell someone who really, truly wanted to ditch some annoying dude who keeps snap-harassing her. But that’s not really you, is it? I have a feeling you secretly (or not-so-secretly) like the attention this guy’s giving you and might be considering hooking up with him again—that’s why you haven’t prevented him from sending you any more snaps. I mean like, you want me to believe you have a college email address and couldn’t figure out how to block someone on snapchat? Truly doubt it. Snap him back, don’t snap him back, IDGAF, but don’t act like you’re too cool for something you’re clearly enjoying on some level. It’s why I’m very upfront about my physical attraction to Lil Wayne.

That, or you just really wanted your hookup story posted on this site? Either way, I don’t have time for it. I won’t even bother going through picking apart all the nonsense in your email (Jan. 5 is quite exactly 5 days after NYE bc calendars), because it does the work for me.

10-second disappearing kisses,

The Betches

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