Poll Reveals Most Americans Are Team Swift, Our Country Is Fucked

Things were going really well after Kim Kardashian exposed Taylor Swift’s fuckery last week, but it turns out that many Americans still have a positive opinion of Taylor. Someone who probably passed statistics in high school took a break from the Presidential election to serve up some cold, hard facts on the feud, so let’s take a look.

In the poll, only 8 percent of people said they’re on Team Kimye, with 34 percent saying they side with Taylor. Now, we’re no Lindsay Lohan from Mean Girls, but even we can tell that this math doesn’t add up. That’s because 58 percent of people said they don’t give a fuck about what’s happening. Really, America?? As much as we want to believe that America’s already great, this really isn’t helping to convince us.

Their favorability ratings were similar, with 55 percent looking favorably on Taylor and 16 and 15 percent, respectively, in favor of Kim and Kanye. We really don’t understand this, but maybe they polled a lot of preteen girls?

Either way, we really hope whoever participated in this poll isn’t eligible to vote in November. The possibility that these people—who clearly have no concept of right and wrong—could have a say in the future of our country is truly harrowing.

The one really important statistic is that 75 percent of Americans have heard about the Great Feud of 2016. This is pretty crazy, especially considering that the other 25 percent are probably small children or people too old to turn on a computer. People might not like Kim, but they sure like reading about her.

America, get your shit together and recognize Taylor Swift for the blonde mess that she is. 

Now that was a lot of math, so we’re gonna go take like, four Advil and lie down.


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