Tonight marks Trump’s first State of the Union address, and it’s pretty safe to say that the whole country will be watching to see how off the rails he goes from any eloquent, planned script his speechwriters are desperately hoping he reads. Because no one should ever have to tolerate a self-important former reality star delivering any sort of important speech for more than the length of an Instagram story, here’s a drinking game to help you cope. Cheers, betches!
Take A Sip When
· Trump mentions DACA, Dreamers, or immigrants.
· Trump uses the words “big,” “huge,” “tremendous,” “excellent,” or “of all time.”
· Someone in the audience is low-key sleeping.
· Trump mentions how many jobs he is going to create – by taxing clean energy sources and increasing infrastructure construction.
· Trump brags about how he’s doing a great job as president.
· You remember he is doing the opposite of a great job as president.
· Paul Ryan’s hair peak is sharper than your winged eyeliner.
· We cut to one of Trump’s guests in the audience and they look awkward af.
· Bernie Sanders (or any Democrat) looks furious.
· Trump stops to take a sip of water using both of his hands – you must use both hands with your drink as well.
Take A Shot If
· Trump is actually wearing a red MAGA hat, or a MAGA hat is seen in the crowd.
· You spot Melania
giving the two-blink signal to come and save her from this hell smiling and pretending to give a fuck.
· You remember Obama’s eloquence and mourn the fact that he won’t be giving any more of these speeches.
· Trump makes any mention of how healthy and fit he is.
· Trump openly drags Kim Jong Un or threatens North Korea again.
· Trump stops in the middle of his speech to tweet in real-time.
· Trump mentions the Tax Bill.
· Trump repeatedly insists on our need for a wall – and take an extra sip if he assures us that Mexico will pay for it.
· Trump blames China for anything/everything.
· You hear the pitter-patter of rich, white men clapping.
· Mike Pence nods along in the background like a porcelain doll bobblehead.
· Trump tells a blatant lie.
Finish Your Drink When
· Rep. Joe Kennedy (D-Mass) just throws his hands up in a “does anything matter anymore?” gesture as his response to the address.
· You remember that we have 3 more years of this and declare it necessary to be blackout for the remainder of his term in office (just remember to fight through the hangover and sober up for Midterm Elections!!!).
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