Starbucks Releases Insanely Caloric Drinks To Ensure You’re Fat and Single This Valentine’s Day

So this weekend is the holiday-that-must-not-be-named and Starbucks knows you’ll need to drown your sorrows in something. While they can’t serve us vodka at 9 am, they can create 3,000 calorie drinks. Because if you’re not spooning with someone, you’ll need something to keep you warm. For the shittiest week of winter, Starbs will sell three specialty drinks to help you transition from sugar high to blackout while your friends post engagement pics to Insta.

Mocha Chocolate Latte: Espresso with melted chocolate, mocha sauce, and espresso infused whipped cream

Molten Chocolate Frappuccino: Coffee and mocha milkshake with chocolate chips

Molten Hot Chocolate: A chocolate coma with mocha sauce
 

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