Starbucks Is Offering Almond Milk, Will Be Too Basic To Function

Injustice has finally been defeated: Starbucks is offering almond milk. Fucking finally. After an online poll demanding the addition of almond milk, Starbucks stores will offer every drink (iced and hot) with an almond option like with soy and non-fat milk. This is great news for latte lovers who want fewer calories and less sugar. But if you order an Almond Milk Caramel Ribbon Frappuccino thinking that makes it a healthy option, you’re delusional.

Starting on September 6th—aka as the ultimate back to school purchase—East and West Coast locations will have almond milk. If you live in a flyover state you’ll have to wait until October, because people in the Midwest can’t have nice things.

Start mentally preparing for the most nauseatingly basic Starbucks order of 2016: Pumpkin Spice Latte with Almond Milk.



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