Ever since clickbait became a thing, we’ve seen a lot of stories about people who’ve gone to restaurants or fast food establishments and had offensive things written on their tickets. Why, I have no idea. Don’t get me wrong, I agree as much as the next person that if you’re spending your money someplace, you deserve to not have a racial slur be written on the bill that’s presented to you—but if you were not actually discriminated against, I just don’t get why it needs to make national headlines.
Exhibit A in “news stories that are not actually news” is this Florida man who went to his neighborhood Sbux the other day and ordered a grande white chocolate mocha. I guess the baristas on duty were feeling especially cheeky that day because instead of writing his name like “Marque” or whatever, they decided to put “DIABETES HERE I COME” on his cup instead.
Shocked that someone in Florida of all states would do something unclassy, this dude contacted his local media outlet so they could blow this story way out of proportion for him. Like, I get that when you go to Starbucks, you expect to only be judged silently for your fake coffee order. But like, I’m sorry, this is pretty funny. And yes, I would still think that if it happened to me because, like most adults should, I can handle when people call me out on my bullshit. And yeah, if you’re spending $5 on glorified sugar in a cup, that is definitely bullshit.
To be fair, would I be a little salty if some acne-faced
teenager post grad Creative Writing major was giving me shit for my one cheat day beverage? Yeah, okay. I would feel some type of way. That barista would definitely get some side-eye, and would not be receiving my leftover loose change as a tip (take that). Would I make a fucking federal case about it and take it to the media? No. If you really want to complain about some perceived injustice and get a formal apology and a coupon, you go on Twitter. Or Yelp. Or you call your mom so she can validate your feelings.
And for those of you who are about to comment on the hypocrisy of me writing about things that shouldn’t be in the news on a widely read website: I’m aware. I just don’t give a shit. And I also just shadily wanted a platform to inform you all about “DIABETES HERE I COME” because I think it’s kind of hilarious, and incidentally, that’s what I say to myself anytime I drunk eat at Taco Bell.
Anywho, in conclusion, Florida is still ratchet AF, and diabetes man: might be time to invest in one of those Nespresso machines. But thanks for the laugh.