Sports are all fun and games, until you listen to a commentator talking about sex on national television and can’t understand why the fuck you don’t watch sports all the time.
Shocking, these dickheads on ESPN aren’t actually talking about butt sex. Creepy old men have just come up with really weird terms to talk about arbitrary sports moments. Here are the ten most fucked up sports terms every betch should put in her vocabulary.
Catch him swinging with the backdoor slider! Basically, a pitcher in baseball throws and the ball curves from outside the strike zone to the edge of the plate. Or, it’s what you give up when you finally agree to do anal.
Drive it to the hole
Just your average Saturday night. Anytime a basketball player dribbles quickly to the basket, expect some douchebag to yell this at the bar.
Put it in the five hole
Thank God there aren’t five holes to worry about it. This hockey term describes a goal being scored between the goalie’s legs. Duh.
What we all dread in the first steps of a relationship. And also a ball hitting against a soccer player’s head.
Take it on the chin
Surprisingly, the 1-2 punch is not sexual. Taking it on the chin is getting knocked the fuck out by a boxer on the jaw.
Bump and run
Southern, Trump-loving Nascar drivers will bump another car and drive by: the redneck version of a hit and run.
Hit it up the gap
Win the points, score the game! Hitting it up the gap in baseball describes hitting the ball between the infielders, and trying to maybe make it to second base. If you’re lucky.
Banging down low
I know, really. Basketball players bang down low pretty frequently while fighting over balls. To get a rebound, so they say.
If you catch your boyfriend checking out another betch at the bar, hit him with this baseball special. Throw the pitch, make him come inside and strike him the fuck out.
Penetrate the defense
This is what happens after ten tequila shots. You may let some bad decision penetrate your defense, but otherwise it’s just a term for beating the defense in any sport. The more you know.