Dear Betch: I Don’t Know How To Be Single

Dear Betch,

I just broke up with my boyfriend of basically forever. We were pretty much attached at the hip, so I’m finding it hard to do things without him. My friends keep inviting me out to do stuff with them, but it totally feels weird being without him. I really want to learn how to be single and enjoy it — any tips?

Stuck on my ex

Dear Stuck On My Ex

First things first, getting yourself in this situation in the first place is pretty freaking stupid. Unless you’re, like, for sure getting married or something, you need to keep your safety net of independence at all times. But since you can’t change the past, we’ve teamed up with the makers of “How to Be Single” to help a newly single betch like yourself navigate these uncharted and sometimes awkward waters. Let Alice (Dakota Johnson) and Robin (Rebel Wilson) show you the way.

It sounds like you have some pretty decent friends in the first place if they continue to invite you out after you’ve been MIA in boyfriend world for the past “basically forever.” Stick with these betches; they sound like they know what they’re doing. Reconnect with your friends by getting ready to go out together and then actually go out. It’s not time to be a boring homebody. If you traded all your sexy, fun clothes for boring, girlfriend clothes, borrow from your friends. Look hot. Go out. See where that takes you. And if you still need an extra push, you’re an Alice, it’s fine. Just find your Robin and don’t let go until you’ve got a free drink in your hand.

Secondly, take the advice of every drunk aunt when they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Like Robin says, “In every male/female friendship, there’s a total number of drinks. And if you hit that, that means you will definitely have sex.” Even if you aren’t like ready to hook up with a friend or rando, you’re never going to move on stalking your ex’s Facebook from your couch. If you need to, like, download Tinder or the Match app or whatever, you might want to give that a try. It’s 2016 and that’s just how people meet other people now. It’s significantly less embarrassing than it probably was when you and your ex started dating. 

You probably don’t have a back burner bro to take your mind off your ex right now if you and the ex had actually been together a long time. Again, you’re totally an Alice, and it sounds like it’s time to open up and meet some new dudes. The world of app dating might be your best shot. Swipe your way to forgetting about your previous “in a relationship” status. 

If you’re really not into dating right now, which, like, sure, more power to you, embrace the single. You can flirt and be single. You can let a guy buy you a drink… or drinks… or mozzarella sticks and be single. You can kiss a stranger and be single. Hell, if you’re anything like Meg (Leslie Mann), you can even have a baby and still be single. It sounds like now is a good time to rediscover what you’re like alone and learn how to be single again. Your ex probably sucks anyway. That’s why he’s your ex.

If you need baby steps to just make it out of the house, make plans with your friends to see “How To Be Single” out Friday. 

You’re welcome, 
The Betches

Sponsored by Warner Bros. Pictures


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