Eat Yourself Drunk With Tequila-Soaked Watermelon Wedges

Are you lazy? Do you hate doing work? Fucking of course you do—and preparing for a Memorial Day party is like the worst and best thing ever.

I mean, it’s awesome because you can finally get rid of that Casper-like glow and replace it with a golden tan; you can drink all day while laying at the pool; you can wear minimal clothing and show off your bikini bod. It’s NOT awesome because in order to have said party, you need to find food and alcohol with which to satisfy your guests.

What if we just, like, combined the food and alcohol?

Today, we give you watermelon soaked in margarita, because it’s summer, and we have no more fucks to give. Thank you, Martha, for being the voice of betches everywhere even though we changed your recipe to make it boozier.


  • 1 medium seedless watermelon, cut into 1-inch thick wedges
  • 1 cup sugar
  • ½ cup water
  • ¾ cup tequila
  • ¼ cup Triple Sec
  • 2 limes
  • Sea salt

So literally, take your watermelon wedges and spread them out on a baking sheet, dish, whatever you have. Meanwhile, bring your sugar and water to a boil in a small saucepan and cook, stirring, until the water dissolves. Once coolish, mix in the tequila and Triple Sec.

Pour that shit over your watermelon and let it sit for about 45 minutes in the fridge. Once that shit’s good to go, take it out of the fridge, serve the wedges up on an adorbs platter, squeeze the lime juice over, sprinkle with salt, and in-fucking-dulge. 


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