Even though betches are always cold year round, Winter is special because it’s now socially acceptable to drink soup for every meal. A betch's diet is already pretty liquid – whether we’re juicing, taking shots, drunk crying, whatever – we swallow more liquids than Jenna Jameson. There’s no better way to complain about being cold and prove your superior sense of taste than to drink soup in the Wintertime. Here are the top 5 betchiest soups.
New England gave us such betchy items such as Ivy League graduates and Ben Affleck’s power chin, so naturally, its namesake soup is on our list. It might be a bit heavy for some betches' liking, but if you’re keeping your winter bod in shape on the slopes, you can afford a chowder here and there. Best sipped while discussing your trust fund in your grandfather’s study room while Mozart plays lightly in the back.
Miso soup is basically an excuse to eat little dehydrated tofus in bean water and call it lunch. It’s betchy because it pairs with our favorite form of pregame dinner (sushi). It’s like pretty high in sodium but we don’t think salt's a carb so whatever, calm down. Other alternatives are the mushroom and tofu soup or clear soup.
Lobsters and French shit are betchy AF so we approve lobster bisque. It’s like way too gauche to actually sit and crack open lobsters with your hands, ew, so we much prefer to drink bisque. It’s what Blair Waldorf would choose if she had to drink a soup.
For the west coast betches that grew up with a South Asian nanny, she probably made you this. If you complained about the Odwalla bars Steve Jobs gave out for Halloween or went to summer camp in Catalina, then you should be drinking this soup.
Like the sport it’s named after, the squash is the betchiest of the gourds. Everyone can love pumpkin, but we betches appreciate the squash like our forefathers that sailed the Mayflower before us. This soup goes great with a burnt sienna and burgundy cashmere sweater and scarf ensemble.
Yes, we left Chicken Noodle Soup off on purpose – There’s a reason “Chicken” and “Noodle” are not considered compliments. If you want to drink Chicken Noodle Soup, you might as well drink muscle milk and join a frat because that shit is littered with protein and carbs.