All American single ladies should get on a flight to China immediately because we are on the wrong continent right now. Today is the country’s 7th annual Singles Day, a holiday that celebrates not being in a relationship and treating yourself to basically whatever the fuck you want. It’s an e-commerce celebration at heart, similar to America’s Cyber Monday, but the Chinese have historically spent an impressive amount to compensate for the fact that they might die alone. While Americans spent $2 billion on Cyber Monday last year, the Chinese spent $9.3 billion in 2014, and sales this year are predicted to be upwards of $13 billion. That is some hardcore retail therapy, and the fun doesn’t even stop there.
The literal English translation of Singles Day is “bare sticks holiday,” and November 11 was chosen based on the number of ones in the date. It’s a day for single people to gather and party with other single friends who also don’t believe that love is real. They organize events and play karaoke to meet new people, and they also apparently eat four of something called Youtiao, which are deep-fried dough sticks. So yes, if you cried alone and watched The Notebook last Valentine’s Day, you’re doing it fucking wrong and should probably go spend your life’s savings to make up for it. Happy Singles Day everyone!