Being single is mostly amazing: you get to accept drinks from strangers without feeling guilty, you can dress like a slut without your bf feeling insecure, you can actually have fun, etc. Some people over in England decided to spoil our fun—because they’re down about the Brexit and misery loves company, I guess—and conducted a study determining the one really shitty aspect of being single (no, not the soul-crushing loneliness): apparently being single is expensive AF.
A recent poll surveying 2,000 British people 18-30 found that your average single betch spends $7,580 more than their average UGH. I’m going to go ahead and assume that that is an annual figure, but my source didn’t specify (get it together, TSM—when I rip off your news stories, I want to be factually accurate). Like, have some journalistic standards.
Anyway, back to the survey results, to which I say, uhh, no shit?
When you’re single, you can
maybe usually account for guys buying you drinks and the uber back to their place where you inevitably don’t fuck him, but like, that still doesn’t account for the cost of the pregame, the outfit you wore, the uber out to the bar, etc. Not to mention, when you’re single you have to buy yourself all the gifts you want, on top of the necessary things like vodka food. When you’re in a relationship, your bf does all that shit. Duh. So to sum this up: single = the shoes on your feet? You bought it. The clothes you’re wearing? You bought it (unless you have a sugar daddy). Relationship = BF spends money so you don’t have to. A final note, not spending money is easy when your weekend activity consists of watching Netflix on your boyfriend’s couch.
Seriously, who are these “scientists” and can I get a job at their lab?
The survey gets even better (read: more obvious), though. It also found that single people drink three times as much as cuffed up people. Again, no fucking shit!! We didn’t need a survey to tell us what we already knew: people in relationships are boring AF. (And single people are drinking their pain away.) These “researchers” could have conducted one survey of my friend group and gotten these same results. Everyone minus the UGH rages Thursday through Saturday, but the UGH will only come out Saturday night after you basically have to blackmail her into putting on something other than sweatpants and leaving her apartment? Boom, those are your results right there. No research grant needed. Can someone pay me boatloads of money to research the obvious?