Dear Betch, Should I Hook Up With A Professional Athlete?

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Hey Betches,

I’m turning into Karen and it is scaring me. I need your help to snap me out of it and ASAP.

Back story on how I got to this low point. I’ve had many failed relationship and this year (2015-16) has been the worst of it. My first boyfriend dumped me a couple days after going to my cousins wedding with me, and meeting my friends and family, because long distance couldn’t work. It was only a week of living apart and we could’ve tried a tad harder. Then the next boyfriend with the same exact name as the first (my bad) dumps me because his D2 collegiate sports are more important than his girlfriend that supports him. Then my other ex uses me to get him a job by putting my father as a reference and GETS THE JOB. Just dandy.

So, you’d think I’m the polar opposite of Karen now, right? Wrong. After a series of failed first dates, and guys ghosting me then me ghosting them, I threw myself into work. I received a hella good internship this summer working for a professional (MENS) sports team. At first, I didn’t get to work with the players firsthand, but now I do, #PROMOTION. I met one player, we can call him Smiles, and obviously fell for his smile.

Long story short, he started giving me nicknames that were way too cute just to give some random intern. When I had to interview Smiles, he then followed me on my personal Twitter. Well… I tweeted at him first about the interview but didn’t follow.

As more games and series of our quick encounters happened I started delevoping a crush. After writing an article, I messaged him telling him I was surprised of his stats and being so good, scoring wise, for the position he played. He responded said thanks and asked for any pictures of the games I had to send him. So it was professional and I didn’t think much of it.

One morning at 3 AM he messaged me asking for my number and when I replied sarcastically the next day he never answered. After I sent him a photo, a little over week later, he followed me on Instagram. Didn’t think much of it. Just sent him a joke saying he needs to give me photo credit. He agreed and apologized for his friends for commenting on my pictures off his account and I said no need to apologize and asked him why he was. He never responded. I saw him again a couple days later and caught him staring at me from across the room. It was like a movie, I guess. It has happened more than once. It gives butterflies every time. He sees me catch Gina be (Editor’s Note: Huh???) he shakes his head and smiles at the ground. I’M NOT JOKING LIKE A MOVIE.

Since we can’t talk during warm ups and when they are headed back and forth from the locker room to the field; we just smile and talk with our eyes. There is a connection there. His teammates pick on him when they see me. He always has at least something to say to me. He does make a small effort when he can. I just need your advice.

Three things I need help with:
1) I’m afraid this will affect my internship (which is almost over with) what would you do?
2) my crush is getting strong that I’m turning into Karen by getting attached too quick and wanting to give Smiles my number and just dive in head first… Should I?
3) I don’t think I’m imaging this but Smiles is leaving breadcrumbs everywhere that he is interested. Is he?

Overall, my dear Betches what do I? Do I jump in head first and just go for it? We are on a friendly basis. Do I pick up the breadcrumbs and hope it leads to a piece of something I’ve been wanting? Most of all, do you think he’s as into me as I think he is?

It’s a rant I know but I’m stuck and I cannot ask my best friend for anymore advice on this. Please help me.

I Swear I’m Not Karen


Dear Groupie,

NO, oh my god, NO. So much no throughout this email. You sent me a novel which can really be distilled into the following three sentences:

Dear Betch,

I have a crush on a famous athlete whom I work with. I think he’s DTF. Should I go for it?

Answer: Still a wholehearted FUCK NO.

You’re right about being a Karen, but sorry, no self-awareness points here. Listen to me: This guy does not “like” you. He is not interested in you romantically at all. He (probably) wants to fuck you. How do I know this? He’s texting you at 3am. He’s following you on Instagram. But most importantly, HE IS A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE. That is what they do: they fuck random girls who show them the slightest interest. Congrats, you are one step away from becoming a groupie.


Do NOT go for it. Do NOT risk your career for some STD-ridden douchebag. Pump the brakes. In short, do not do anything (except screenshot any dick pics you may receive).

Also, I saw your tweet and as far as you’re concerned, we are not hiring. Can’t have you getting a crush on one of us—it would really fuck up the workplace dynamic. Betcha thought I couldn’t put 2 and 2 together. That’s right, I can do basic math.

Just nope,

The Betches

Got a fucked-up problem only The Betches can solve? Email us at Or buy our book if you don’t want to be called out publicly.


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