A Betchy Review Of Ship Faced: A Party At Sea

On Sunday, this betch attended Ship Faced: A Party At Sea and thankfully lived to tell the tale. Honestly, it’s kind of an accomplishment given that 1) I am not known for my balance and/or motor coordination skills, 2) there was an open bar (more on that later), and 3) it was on a boat. All of these factors could have created a disastrous situation, but if you’re reading this, it means I came out relatively unscathed, aka I did not fall off the boat. TG for small miracles.

Anyway, onto the review. My friends and I honestly had no clue what to expect out of this event. Was this going to be a booze cruise with some light music? A rave on a boat? It was somewhere in between. More like, when you buy tickets to see your favorite DJ play a 30-minute set at a club, only the club was on a boat. Which like, actually makes a lot of sense once you think about it.

In terms of attire, this shit was all over the map. Some girls were dressed like they were going to a rave—fanny packs, flower crowns and all. Some wore dresses and heels like you’d wear to the club. Many dressed in red, white, and blue. There were literally no wrong answers.

The crowd was basically what you’d expect with a handful of random middle-aged couples thrown in. Like literally, it looked like some people’s parents showed up to rage on this boat. No idea who they were, why they were there, or if they were just lost, but I still appreciated their presence. Thankfully no teenagers because it was 21+. If it wasn’t, I def would not have gone. Teens, get off my lawn boat.

The embarkment

This was a total shit show tbh. There were hundreds of people herded into a parking lot section of the pier, security took forever, and nobody really knew WTF was going on. Also, the event advertised for a 6pm departure, but we were still tied to the dock until 7pm at least. Which wasn’t a huge deal, except for the fact that initially the open bar wasn’t set to start until we sailed. Luckily, the event organizers quickly realized there would have been a riot on the boat if they forced people to wait longer than a half hour for their free alcohol.

The voyage

I hate to be corny AF and use this metaphor, but fuck it. It was pretty smooth sailing for the most part.

The good: Obviously, OPEN BAR. All things considered, the bartenders were quick and we were able to chug enjoy more than one beverage in the allotted time. Shouts out to the random bouncer who took over bartending duties and crushed it. Don’t know your name, but if you’re reading this, you deserve a raise. The free dinner at the beginning was an added bonus/probably necessary given the amount of alcohol consumed tbh. There were DJ’s spinning on the bottom floor and on the deck of the boat, so even though it was sold out there was still room to move around. Plus, not being stuck in the exact same spot for like, 5 hours was definitely the way to go. I’m not here to write a music review but I’ll say that Thomas Gold and CAZZETTE were lit. Actual footage from the dance floor:

The bad: You probably already guessed it, but the bathroom situation was a nightmare. I don’t know if you’ve ever smelled the unique combination of bathroom smell + hundreds of people’s body odor + the scent of the Hudson River, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Thankfully, I only had to endure it once. Obviously the boat only came equipped with so many bathrooms, but it was still v. unpleasant and it would have helped if the limited bathrooms available were all, ya know, functioning. The other less-than-pleasant aspect was the fact that the open bar ended when we docked—which sounded totally reasonable, until we shadily docked before Thomas Gold had even started his set (I think. I was drunk. Time is hard to gauge, but it felt like for-fucking-ever). 

To be fair, it was advertised as a 3-hour open bar, so it’s not like they LIED… whatevs.

The ugly: There were no ugly parts—except I guess the line for the women’s bathroom—I just wanted to complete that sequence.

The bottom line

All things considered, I would def go to this again. Ship Faced combined three betchy things: drinking on a boat, drinking in general, and EDM, and they did it pretty well. Would recommend.


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