Dear Head Pro,
This happened over New Year's but its still kind of bothering me. I've been friends, like really good friends, with this guy for about 5 years now. When I came home last summer, several of his best friends were chasing me, I hooked up with a couple of them, whatevs. I've visited him at school a few times this year, always a blast, never anything weird. Made out with his roommate and one of his friends, which kind of seemed to make him jealous…oh well? On one of my visits our mutual friend told me that he told her he was interested in me/wanted to hook up. At the moment I was more occupied with his friend and ignored it and also like…he can grow a pair and make a move.
Cut to New Year's Eve, he had a party and obvi I attend because he's like my bff, right? So that night one of his boys comes up to me, and, after hitting on me, tells me to kind of cut the shit, that it's apparent that I hold a candle for my friend, and my friend is telling everyone he's into me/wants to hook up with me. I said that my/our friend seems to have no problem finding girls to hook up with or date, so if he wanted to hook up with me then he would make it happen. His friend responded that, yeah, that would be more normal but my friend is a pussy, and that I “get to him” and that basically I would have to make the move. UM, kill me.
So I let that marinate for a few hours and by the end of the night I figured fuck it, we'll do it live. So pretty much I tell him I know he thinks I'm hot, which he didn't deny, and I go in for the kiss. So we make out and he gets more confident and then we go to his room…and find 3 other people crashing in it (the house was overflowing, no where was unoccupied). We get in his bed and he tries to continue hooking up, which I shut down because I find hooking up in front of others to be one of the single most unclassy acts. Just no. So we both sleep in his bed, fully clothed, and he puts as much space between us as humanly possible. K. The next day I sent a text, thanking him for the party, and trying to feel out the sitch. He seemed a little off/peeved so I tried to address the situation in a friendly, playful way, which seemed to go fine. In the remaining TWO WEEKS of break, he did not try to contact me once (usually he calls, invites me to shit, etc).
So we go back to school and, for me, I just had to address it. He's seen me be very cavalier about making out or hooking up with dudes, so if he thinks all of the sudden I thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend because we made out, then he's out of his fucking tree. I don't feel weird at all about what happened, it was one fucking make-out sesh…no big deal, we are 22 years old for christ's sake. If he feels totally rejected and has a bruised ego then I feel bad that he misunderstood my saying no due to over-population issues as me rejecting him as a person. But his response was a tad harsh and sounds more like something you would say to some random girl from the bar who won't leave you the fuck alone, rather than to one of your best friends of 5 years. Bottom line, he's a fun guy and has been a pretty great friend over the years so at the least, I just want things to remain normal. He can say its “all good” but he's still acting weird.
Living by your advice,
These Sign-Offs Are Dumb
Dear Dumb Signoff,
Something I don’t think girls quite understand is this: It’s entirely possible for a guy to be one of your best friends, but it’s very unlikely that you’re one of his. I get emails CONSTANTLY asking me shit like this, “we are best friends and now things are weird and I just want us to be best friends again.” No, you were never “best friends.” He was a guy on whom you could dump all of your emotional bullshit whenever it was convenient, and you were a girl whose company he enjoyed and also probably wanted to fuck. So when he says “yeah, we’re good” he means it because he never really gave that much of a shit to begin with. So you guys got fucked up and fooled around a little before things fizzled due to crowding. What exactly is the problem? Oh, right, he’s not paying as much attention to you as he used to. Sorry, so insensitive of me.
I’m all for the free expression of sexuality, but if he never made a move on you it’s either a) because he never wanted to or b) because he grew a little weary around the 9th time he watched you hook up with one of his friends. I’ll give you a little peek into guy world; we don’t sit around and talk about girls we want to fuck. At best, it’s like “oh, so-and-so’s coming to the party? I’d hit that.” Guys typically don’t share our romantic dreams with one another, so I doubt he was telling his friends about how bad he wanted you. More likely, his friends were probably being dicks/wanted to see their buddy lay some pipe, and they knew that you guys have a history together and were thinking “why don’t you two just fuck already?”
If you want to continue to be good friends with him, just chill out and leave him alone. He’s not going to forget you exist. At worst, now that you nearly crossed the line into the bone zone, there isn’t much mystery left in it for him. If he values your friendship, he will continue to be a good friend in situations where you need a good friend. Otherwise, find yourself a new wingman.
I know you think I’m hot Kisses,