Scream Recap: Lakewood Witch Trials

The entirety of this week’s episode of Scream dealt with aftermath of Jake’s dead body dropping from the rafters onto a stage in front of the entire student body. Needless to say, the school is on lockdown and no one is very happy about it. To be fair, no one in this town is used to a competent police force, so they’re probably all just confused that there is actually a protocol in place for such things.

The theme of this episode is “I can’t believe this is happening again,” a phrase repeated by every character at least five times throughout the course of the day.

It quickly becomes apparent that the kids in this school feel about Emma probably the way the average Hogwarts student felt about Harry Potter: what the fuck is wrong with this kid and why does death follow them everywhere? The entire student body gets locked in the library while the police continue their investigation and it is clearly the Lakewood Five (plus hanger-on Stavo, Eli and Zoe) vs. everyone else. That bitch Hayley, while annoying as fuck, makes a pretty solid point that these kids clearly live above the law. To be fair, they don’t live for long, but I can still see why that might be construed as unfair to everyone else.

After flouting law enforcement for the 100th time, Audrey and Emma make their way to Brooke with the assistance of Ms. Lang, the new young female teacher who is 100% involved in these murders.

Brooke is still on stage covered in the blood of her dead boyfriend, being photographed by Emma’s mom for evidence. Thank god everyone’s parents on this show are somehow tied to law enforcement, it makes keeping track of them so much easier.

A sad deputy cop who doesn’t deserve any of this nonsense tries to summon Emma and Audrey for questioning. Poor kid, he must be new around here.

Cop: Sheriff Acosta would like to speak to you both.
Emma: We are above the law.
Cop: Yes, of course, my apologies.

Audrey gets to stay behind with Brooke while Emma is carted off for questioning. She acts all offended, as if she isn’t friends with the dead kid and also the entire source of this whole debacle??

While Emma is gone, Audrey gets to do super supportive things like watch Brooke shower and then hand her the cheerleading outfit the school has supplied since her other clothes are now evidence. I think this is the most unrealistic aspect of the entire episode, because every high school in America has a storage bin of lost and left behind gym clothes.

Brooke, clearly in shock, tells Audrey that this is extra hard to believe seeing as how she was just talking to Jake yesterday. Cue alarms going off in Audrey’s head, because she knows that Jake’s been dead for about four days now. She tries to tell Brooke that maybe the person texting her was actually the killer and not Jake, and it takes a shockingly long time for Brooke to wrap her head around that one.

Brooke: But the texts came from Jake’s phone.
Audrey: Yeah but
Brooke: Like who else would have his phone.
Audrey: Maybe—
Brooke: Oh my god did someone STEAL HIS PHONE

Meanwhile, Noah is being questioned by Sheriff Acosta, who is very confused as to why none of Jake’s friends were even moderately concerned about his disappearance, especially given what disappearing usually means in this town.

Acosta: So you didn’t even try and look for him?
Noah: No, you don’t understand, Jake was the fucking worst.

Back in the library, Emma discovers something slightly incriminating in her backpack: Jake’s phone. How does she know it’s Jake’s phone? Because that fucking gorilla of a human scrawled “Property of the Jake” on the back of it in Sharpie. For that reason alone, he deserved to die.

Aurey makes it back just in time to help decide what to do with the phone, but first she has an update on Brooke’s status.

Emma: Where’s Brooke?? Is she okay??
Audrey: They’re keeping her in solitary.
Audrey: She’s out of gen pop, for obvious reasons.
Audrey: Can you guys tell I watch Orange is the New Black.

Making the first rational decision in probably her entire life, Emma wants to take the phone to the cops. Audrey stops her because odds are high that there is something to incriminate her on it.

Audrey: If you go to the police we’re all going to die.
Emma: Uh, what you’re reasoning there?
Audrey: None yet but I’m standing by it.

Their tense discussion is interrupted by the announcement that the cops are now searching everyone’s lockers. This incites more fear in the student body than a dead kid dropping from the ceiling did. Everyone starts freaking out, especially Kieran, who very suspiciously tells everyone that he has something in his backpack he’d rather the police didn’t find. He breaks out of the library with Noah in tow to try and get to his locker before the police do.

Their expedition is ultimately in vain as the police show up right as Kieran is pulling his backpack out of his locker. What was it that he didn’t want them to find? Oh you know, just a fucking gun, the one thing you’re not supposed to bring to school. Kieran gets carted off to the interrogation classroom, leaving Noah alone in the hallway, prime for murder.

Sheriff Acosta spends pretty much the entire day playing good cop. Is it because he’s genuinely concerned for the fragile psyche of these traumatized students? Nah, he’s just trying to expedite some Stockholm Syndrome and get these kids to start turning on each other. We went from a completely inept Sheriff to one with questionable ethics, so a pretty accurate representation of law enforcement in America.

Kieran says he carries the gun, his dad’s gun, around to protect himself and his friends. Honestly, this is a pretty rational explanation given the constant peril they all live in. Sheriff Acosta tries to connect with him over the whole “dead Sheriff dad thing,” and it doesn’t go so well. So he gives Kieran two options.

His first offer is pretty nice: spend some time at the police station from time to time and we can forget about this pesky gun incident. Kieran flat out refuses, which leads to option two: start informing on people or get arrested. As a kid who apparently has priors, this makes for a pretty clear-cut decision.

Sheriff Acosta storms into the library with a guilty looking Kieran in tow and outs Emma in front of all the students who already hate her. She gets summoned for a round of questioning in which the Sheriff basically implies that she’s crazy and then lets her leave scot-free. It’s all part of his plan to gain the trust of these tortured teenagers before he inevitably arrests all of them.

Mayor Maddox shows up and angers every concerned parent outside by busting through the barricade and strolling into the school. Idk why everyone is shocked; he’s the mayor, and his daughter was literally doused in the blood of her dead boyfriend. Fucking chill out.

Sheriff Acosta: I found Jake Fitzgerald.
Mr. Maddox: Literally fuck you.

In the first responsible parental move all season, Mr. Maddox demands that he be present for Brooke’s questioning. He wins that battle, which means he gets to sit and listen to his daughter recount her sex life. Victory is bittersweet sometimes.

Brooke tells them both that Mr. Branson is behind all of this. She’s also incredibly unapologetic about her questionably sexual language in front of these two grown men and my appreciation for her grows even more.

Back in the library, Noah has finally managed to sneak back in without getting caught by police or murderers. He’s been on the phone with Audrey this whole time, listening as she lists all of her (mildly valid) reasons for thinking Stavo is the new killer. Her theorizing is interrupted by Emma going full Girl, Interrupted and slapping Hayley across the face for calling her family crazy and blaming them for this mess. I mean, she’s not wrong, but still rude.

A full-on girl fight erupts and Audrey stops being turned on long enough to help break it up. Emma is then escorted out of the library by Ms. Lang, who locks her in an isolated classroom. Definitely not suspicious.

Emma begins to experience a full-on meltdown, which is severely exacerbated by a phone call from the killer. Like, you think she would have stopped answering phone calls from unknown numbers by this point. She hears the sound of a knife scraping on the door, and starts to actively try to break out of the very safe room she is locked in. Logic.

Then she opens the curtains and sees the killer standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. She starts trying to break out even more aggressively, because that plate of glass between the two of them was clearly a nuisance. Instead of using her phone to, I don’t know, alert someone to her situation, Emma uses a chair to shatter the window. By this point the killer is gone, probably because she imagined it and Emma is actually the one murdering people now.

Now that tensions are as high as humanly possible, Audrey decides it’s time to confront Stavo about his creepy drawings, which now include Kieran, Jake and Zoe all lying in pools of blood. She presents her evidence to the collected student body, who respond by starting a riot and beating the shit out of Stavo. His iPad gets smashed in the process, which is the biggest crime of all because he definitely had a Pro and one of those $100 pencils to go with it.

The cops show up to break up the fight, and the Sheriff is very disappointed to find out that his son is the source of it. No one has time to react because Emma uses that moment to make her grand return, covered in blood from the wounds she got crawling out of a shattered window.

Even though zero progress has been made, the Sheriff lifts the lockdown and lets everyone leave. In the confusion, Noah steals Audrey’s phone. She let it slip earlier that she’d been getting texts from the killer, and her behavior was generally erratic and suspicious, so naturally it’s time to start snooping on his best friend.

It takes him a surprisingly long time to break into her phone considering this kid was hacking into secure networks with a fucking iPad last season, but he finally gets through and discovers all the incriminating GIFs the killer has been sending Audrey. You know, like the one of her standing over Jake’s dead body. As if his feelings about her weren’t conflicted enough as is.

The episode ends with a whole lot of distrust and resentment, as per usual. Emma is pretty pissed at Kieran for turning her in to the police. Maggie is furious that Acosta removed her from the case due to her multiple conflicts of interest. In turn, Acosta is super sketched out by the texts from Mr. Maddox that he found on Jake’s phone. Basically, the stage is set for an all-out witch hunt next week, and I can’t wait.

Current suspect: Ms. Lang, the trained professional who decided to isolate and lock up a girl with PTSD. Looks like that psych degree really paid off.


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