I’m Not Buying These “Cute” Pictures of the Royal Family

Being a member of the royal family must be nice, or at least preferable to being a member of your sorry family. Your main jobs are looking good, traveling around reminding poor people how poor they are, and smelling like mothballs. Occasionally, you’ll be asked to take some family portraits to prove that the inbreeding isn’t catching up with you too quickly, and Prince William, Duchess Kate, Prince George and Princess Charlotte all happily obliged. Except, something’s fishy…

Wikipedia tells me that the wee Prince George was born in July of 2013 (same), which makes him, what, 2 and a half? And there he is, standing nearly unassisted. Pshhh, like you or I could walk, let alone put on a sweater at 30 months. Like, we all wore diapers until we were 4, right? And those shoes with the buckles on them? STILL CAN’T FASTEN THEM MYSELF. This is either not the eldest royal baby, or someone’s not telling us something.

Here’s the even wee-er Princess Charlotte who was born like a week ago. Look at that little betch. She’s already sitting up (not until I was 9!) and looking across the room like “if that bitch offers Ethan her Cheerios one more time… ONE MORE TIME…” That is not the look of a baby. That’s the look of a girl who’s AT LEAST third in line to the throne (She’s currently fourth).

Look, I’m not saying these super cute pictures of the royal family aren’t real; they were almost certainly taken by a person and not created in a lab. I’m just not sure we can say the same for the royal family themselves.


More amazing sh*t

Best from Shop Betches