Rob Kardashian – yeah I forgot about him too – lost his shit on Instagram last night. Quick recap of Rob's self destruction spiral:
2007 – he was a sophomore and USC and dating Adrienne Bailon (the Ariana Grande look-a-like from the Cheetah Girls).
2008/9 – He cheated on Adrienne, but she still came to Khloe's wedding looking quiche.
2011 – He lost Dancing with the Stars (red flag)
2012 – Lived with Khloe and Lamar (aka in a crack house) and started his sock line
2013 – Gains 30,000 pounds
2014 – Disappeared from life. Seriously he evaporated and hasn't been seen in months.
So at the moment, all we know is that Rob doesn't appear on KUWTK anymore and he didn't go to Kim's wedding. But last night he Insta-ed like 6 times, obvi he didn't read our rules on the repeat Insta. But the posts were a cocaine infused rant. There were some photoshopped throwbacks to when he was skinny – Kim does those too, but the weight difference is always like 15 pounds (lol). Then he fucking used a Dumbledore quote from a Harry Potter screenshot…k. Apparently Rob “forgot to turn the damn light on for like 2 years” – I think the problem is that the fridge light was always on tbh. Then he got some reject Barbie dolls from 7/11. Somebody had to have hacked him, and by somebody I mean cross faded Rob K.
So all of that is really fucking weird, but then I connected the dots and realized that Adrienne Bailon announced her engagement last night. It's a classic case of not being over your ex (even though they broke up 6 years ago – “It wasn't over then, it still isn't over“).”She's marrying an executive at Roc Nation (Jay-Z's bitch).
To quote Samantha Jones: “There's always a competition with an ex. It's called 'who will die miserable.'” Adrienne is winning hands down.