Becky with the Good Hair is the newest super villain in the world, officially replacing Voldemort and coming in a close second to Donald Trump. But who is Becky? We need to know our enemies.
In case you live under a giant fucking rock and don’t worship the almighty Queen Bey (cue Game of Thrones “Shame Nun”)—Yoncé dropped an album on Saturday that gave us life, rebirth, and a reason to believe that men are all giant pieces of shit. The whole album was about Jay Z cheating on her and like as we’ve already established, if someone can cheat on Beyoncé, there is no hope for this world. Kiss your love life goodbye, everyone. She implied that he cheated on her with “Becky With the Good Hair” and now the world is in absolute fucking chaos. Buildings are burning and people are dying in the street, screaming “lemonade!”
The Beyhive, which is basically the most savage group of keyboard warriors in the world, has reason to believe that Becky is Rita Ora, not Rachel Roy (which, who the fuck is that anyways?), because she posted a snapchat of her in a lemon bra with some great hair. Fishy? Yes. I mean, who the fuck wears a lemon bra on a daily basis?
Rita Ora has claimed that she would never cheat with Jay Z and disrespect Beyoncé like that, but idk, it’s not looking good for her. But like, OKAY JAY Z, if you are going to cheat on the QUEEN why the shitfuck would you do it with two peasants like Rita and Rachel? That’s like going from a billionaire to a garbage man.
You: Omg, Britney!
Us: What? You were thinking it
You: Yeah but you said it!
Stay tuned for Betches Becky Watch, since there is a new Becky almost every day (the Beyhive has an active imagination). Until we get down to the answers, question everyone you know and love. Is your mom Becky? Your best friend? Am I Becky? The world my never know. #BeckyGate2016