Richard Simmons Says He’s Not Being Held Hostage By A Witch

Don’t worry guys, Richard Simmons says he’s not currently being held hostage by a witch. The beloved fitness betch recently released two statements about this after the New York Daily News published an exposé over the weekend in which his former assistant and masseur claimed Simmons has been controlled by his Mexican live-in maid over the last two years largely through witchcraft and black magic. Yes, actually. While the Daily News claimed Simmons has been denied access to friends and hasn’t been seen in public at all since 2014, the fitness guru himself assures us that everything is perfectly normal over at his house in the Hollywood Hills, now shrouded in green smoke.

To prove this, Simmons gave a phone interview to Today’s Savannah Guthrie vehemently denying that anyone was keeping him at home against his will. He said, “No one is holding me in my house as a hostage. You know, I do what I want to do as I’ve always done so people should sort of just believe what I have to say because like I’m Richard Simmons!” There were also some loud hexes being shouted in Spanish in the background, but we can of course attribute that to mere coincidence.

Simmons further explained his absence from the public eye by the fact that he simply wanted to avoid the spotlight. He told Guthrie he “just sort of wanted to be a loner for a while.”

“You know, I had hurt my knee, and I had some problems with it, and then the other knee started giving me trouble because I’ve taught like thousands and thousands of classes, and you know right now I just want to sort of take care of me.” His knees! Of course. We should have thought of that sooner before jumping to conclusions about the circle of demons congregating in his front yard and boarding up the windows.

In addition to his interview with Guthrie, Simmons also provided a statement to Entertainment Tonight that “I am not kidnapped, I am just in my house right now. No one should be worried about me. The people that surround me are wonderful people who take great care of me.” Thankfully, this sounds nothing like someone who’s being forced to give false information by their kidnapper. He may be hanging upside down over a boiling cauldron right now, but don’t let that concern you for one second. Richard Simmons is totally fine! 


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