Revenge Recap: A Cop Out Thanksgiving Special

Betches, I would love to recap Revenge for you in a real and coherent way but unfortunately my understanding of what happened last night is somewhere on par with a down syndrome patient's attempt at the math SAT. But then my mom sort of explained it to me, so go figure.

So this whole episode was a flashback to 2006, which you could tell because it was tinted ever so slightly, and also because everything that happened had absolutely nothing to do with the present day. It was clearly a classic copout to avoid a regular Thanksgiving episode among these characters who would sooner shoot each other than sit down at a civilized meal together. I mean, the last time the whole cast tried to have dinner a certain psychotic ginger showed up with a gun before anyone could even touch their salad forks. Best to avoid that.

When Emandy opened the episode by ordering straight up vodka, it was clear that she was keeping in the episode's Russian theme, including having new bros named Dimitri and Serge who I've never seen before, perhaps because they were just cast last week, or maybe I haven't been paying enough attention to notice. Either that or the ABCMT read how much we love British Aidan in our past recaps and then after seeing Javier Bardem in Skyfall or some shit they were probs like, I know what this season's missing, more foreign people with ironic accents, betches will love them!

Call Outs

For the thousandth time….can we discuss why the fuck the Graysons are in the Hamptons on Thanksgiving? You have an apartment in the city, we've seen it, why aren't you there!?

Daniel: “I'm taking a workshop in creative writing. My professor says I'd be great at poetry. I wrote this one. It's about a puppy that lost it's way.”
….Oh Daniel, our modern day Walt Whitman.

Ashley was a prostitute?? Not at all surprised, especially since Victoria was also sort of a prostitute too. This show completely misrepresents the ease of transitioning from prostitute to socialite.

Also, back in 2006 Emanda saved Ashley from selling herself into sex slavery, but then Ash goes on to steal E's ex-fiance, sorta fucked up Ash. No one in real life manipulates people the way they do on ABC.

They got rid of barred out Kara Clarke and decide to bring in Vic's mom in a leopard printed jacket. Is this leopard jacket supposed to tell us that she's poor?

Regarding the part when Vic's mom made her shoot her boyfriend when she was fifteen: this entire thing was ridiculous but in particular, how does everyone on this show just have a gun chilling around their living room? This is the Graysons, not the Sopranos. Fuck it, it's not even Breaking Bad or like, Girls…and that show's set in the Brooklyn underworld. I guess our point is that socialites don't own guns, at least not in the northeast. However, Young Victoria actually does look exactly like Charlotte. Good casting, ABC!

As for the Poorters…don't know don't care.

LOL Moments

Nolan went to work.

The mention of Daniel getting into the Phoenix… isn't Daniel rich enough to buy the Phoenix Club and turn it into his ping pong room?

Victoria's mom has the hairdo of everyone in Dazed and Confused…which is entirely how I felt about her presence in this episode. Vic's relationship with her mom was very White Oleander.

Conrad actually burning his son's poetry. (Not that shocking because throwing shit in fireplaces is typical of the profound symbolism on this show.) But like, what year is this? Don't you think he typed it on a computer? You don't think he has a copy? Hellloooo…Dropbox!?

“If you don't understand that I HAD to launder money to the daughter of a convicted terrorist who I also sort of have a crush on even though she's a woman, then like, I don't think we can be together.” – Nolan to his ex-bf Marco…POLO!

Side: Nolan casually hooks up with the most people of anyone on this show.

Vic staged them meeting on a cruise to organize her mother's demise? Talk about a bored housewife. Who do you think you are Adrienne Maloof?

Last week's recap>>


More amazing sh*t

Best from Shop Betches