Real Word Roundup: British House Mafia

Swedish House Mafia announced that this tour will be their final one and they are officially going their separate ways. Seriously though this is sadder than my mom's third divorce. The members of SHM, potentially the betchiest DJs in the universe are probably the only people in history who will ever have sold out a concert in Madison Square Garden that consisted of a performance made entirely of fist pumps and knob turning. “We came, we raved, we loved,” says the statement on their website. Their BFF Molly is said to have undergone a mental breakdown following the split but has taken solace in the arms of Avicii, who we suspect is surely harboring an evil laugh while twirling his blonde locks, reveling in the truth of the accuracy of Fade into Darkness. Read article>>

This study says that poor moms invest more in their daughters because they need to marry them off rich. On the other hand rich moms invest more in their sons because that way they can find a hot wife to elevate their status. We say, fucking duh science. Although what the study doesn't say is that rich moms invest more in all their children because they have more fucking money. Moral of the story, stop being so fucking poor. Someone will always wind up with shittier breast milk and a BMW made in like, 2010. Read article>>

You're a mean girl Queen Elizabeth! You're a betch! Apparently the queens has updated her “Order of Preference” book which is exactly like a burn book except it's royal so it's classier. They have this book, this burn book, where they write mean things about all the girls in our grade royals in court. Apparently Elizabetch said that Kate has to curtsy in front of some rando princesses when William is not allowed. But when her boyfriend Aaron Samuels is around those bitches have to curtsey for her. Although it leaves out the fact that Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr, we'd be surprised if there wasn't massive shit talking about Prince Albert's Prince Albert and massive amount of smack talk about Prince Harry's ginger locks. This sounds awesome and we're just mad we're not in it. Those bitches. Read article>>


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