Besides destroying Jay Z in a 45 minute long music video, Beyoncé’s Lemonade launched a manhunt more serious than the search for Osama Bin Laden. The internet staged a Nancy Drew mystery trying to figure out the identify of “Becky with the good hair.” Everybody assumed Rachel Roy was Becky, but people who watch way too much Law and Order and don’t do their research before cyber bullying got Rachel Roy the fashion designer confused with Rachael Ray the celebrity chef for single, middle-aged women contemplating adoption.
Well, after both women’s social media accounts were flooded by Beyoncé fans damning them for ruining Jay Z and Beyoncé’s marriage, they formed a support group. No shit—they open every meeting with “I was personally victimized by a Beyoncé fan on Instagram.”
Apparently they both sent each other “sympathy presents,” kind of like when your cool aunt bought you a present the day your little sister was born to take the edge off. Rachel Roy sent flowers and Rachael Ray sent “a big bottle of wine and a straw.” Is Rachael Ray an undercover betch???
If you had asked me last year if I ever wanted to be in the presence of Rachael Ray, I would’ve been insulted. But now, everything has changed. Now all I want is to get drunk with Rachael and Rachel and bitch about the internet. I’m not sure if this is peak 2016 or the collapse of Western Civilization.