The Biebs Insta’ed another picture of his butt over the weekend, and since then we’ve all spent some time trying to unpack this thought-provoking image. Personally while contemplating it I learned a lot about myself, human nature, the 2016 election and the meaning of life. However, I still have a few follow-up questions that I think are crucial to address:
First of all, who is this “Johnny” character given photo credit? What’s his deal? Are him and Justin close? Did they talk while the picture was being taken or was it literally dead silent when the photo was snapped? Is their friendship at the point where they have comfortable silences? Why is Johnny always the one taking the pictures? Did he get invited to the lake specifically for that reason, and if so does he even care? When is it finally going to be his turn to choose the activity?
Is the water cold? Why isn’t Justin going in? Does he see something in the water? A fish perhaps? Could he catch it with his bare hands? It kind of looks like that’s what he’s about to do. How long would he be able to survive in the wilderness with no man-made resources? Would adding me into the mix be helpful or detrimental?
Where are Justin’s clothes? Is it possible he didn’t have any to begin with? What if he emerged out of the water that way, because thirty seconds earlier, he wasn’t even human? Is Justin Bieber a creature of the deep? Does that make me more attracted to him? What if mermaids were real?
What was his exact facial expression after he turned around? What were his facial expressions while flipping through all the various pictures of his butt? Is this the only way he can find peace anymore? Is fame really worth it?
And finally, did his butt get burned that day? Why does this lake look so shitty and overcast? Where should I go on vacation next? Can I take those days off work? Of course I can, who gives a fuck? What was I just talking about?