Pretty Little Liars Recap: There’s no wAy

Could it really be? Is PLL pulling a Dan-Humphrey-is-Gossip-Girl move on us? I'm calling bullshit. If we were to review all seasons prior there's no possible way that Ezra would be A, there are too many holes in the timeline and not enough Asians in the world for it to be proven fact. Then again the writers are probs like “no one even knows what the fuck is going on anymore, let's just pick someone out of a hat.” Ezra isn't a bad choice though. I mean he does have a shit ton of money and could totally afford all of that surveillance and expertly handcrafted child coffins. And if you really think about it, an adult who dresses like they were raped by the Brooks Brothers Junior section WOULD spend that much time alone with dolls. But like, if Ezra is A then how the fuck did Alex Mack get away with his kid? She didn't even turn into a puddle or anything.

I'm going to go ahead and say that that was an epic finale, or summer finale, or whatever they call a show ending and starting up again in a month. Honestly PLL is always abruptly starting and stopping with no rhythm, kind of how we imagine sex with Lucas would be.

Not only did we find out that Alison is almost definitely still alive, and that Ezra may or may not be A, but we also learned that Spencer is an even bigger loser than we had ever dreamed. Oh PLL writers, whatever drugs you've been tripping on please continue because I've never felt so content watching a show that says shit like “she just declared World War A.” 


Are you wearing a bathrobe to try to convince us that a slutty teen like you would want to go to a coffee shop for a poetry reading? Because nothing about that is convincing except the part when I said you were a slut.

Ezra to Aria: One of the poems reminded me of that story you wrote, “The Puppy Who Lost Its Way.”

I like Aria's pledge to not text and drive “No text is worth it. Even if it's from A. But def if it's from one of the guys I'm fooking.”

Ok so you're not into Jake because he falls asleep during lame ass old movies and doesn't want to go to a homoerotic poetry reading with you? Go fuck yourself, he's perfect. Minus the part where he has no friends, teaches karate, and is ambiguously aged.

At the magic show when Aria said, “I just don't do boxes,” Emily was thinking, “ha that's not what you said last night…” 

OOO finally Aria gets to put her one lesson of karatay to good use. But I've seen more convincing fighting at the Puppy Bowl. 


I can't believe 'Pastor Ted' is still happening.

Wouldn't it be great if in one of A's packages was the dress from Pretty Woman and then Hanna did the Julia Roberts laugh MUAHAHahaa

Hanna after seeing the doll in the coffin: “IT'S MONA! “… no it's Samantha, that TTH American Girl Doll


Ew that French Club freak who refused to speak to Emily in English — although it was extremely realistic. I remember those losers from high school. They also refused to let me cheat off them in math class. Fucking bitches.

Bruce would NEVER choose to watch a black and white movie, she'd watch Hell on Wheels.

Emily: Your parents would have the same rule if I were a guy
Bruce: If you were a guy you wouldn't be here right now. You'd be in my cage downstairs.


Does Macy's have a “Dried Up Hogwarts Professor” line at which Spencer exclusively shops?

Ugh again with Toby's sad box of shit that no one gives a fuck about. 

“People want to go to magic shows to be deceived.” Nope Spence they go to magic shows because they're weird.

MiscellAAAAAneous Shit

Things I love about this show:
– Great gift ideas, like customized magic 8 balls. Totes going to get that for my next friend's birthday.
– Very obviously photoshopped pictures that we all just like, accept.
– How everything in Ravenswood is a different color. Totally!!
– The fact that we're all to believe Ali was able to escape being buried alive a la Beatrix Kiddo.
– Mrs. Grundle's piercing blue eyes, Snooki's color contact collection?
– When anyone gets kidnapped and stuffed in a closed box they always have their phone, and perfect service.

Are we REALLY supposed to believe that A, this supposedly scary mother fucker, is the same guy who was crying like a giant pussy last week?

Also, if Ezra is A it's pretty sad that he can frame innocent victims for crimes, commit numerous murders, and get away with all of it but can't perform a simple DNA test to figure out if that kid was his. 

Why does A have so many lairs? And what's with the professional photos all over the walls, are they from Ali's bat mitzvah? A should totally get a signing board with an awkward picture of him/her hand on chin, laying in the grass.

So if Ezra is A, then Ezra is obsessed with Alison as well as Aria, which makes him a HUGE pedophile.

Soooo like, I have NO clue who boy shorts is and I don't really care enough to find out.


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