You’re probably hungover today, not only because the second Presidential Debate between Hillary and Donald was predictably disastrous and probably met every bullet point on your debate drinking game, but also because it looks like our country is in trouble. Like, real trouble.
The Pussy Grabber and The Email Deleter started the evening by refusing to shake hands. TBH, if I was Hillary, I wouldn’t shake his hand either because you literally don’t know where those hands have been. Billy Bush might be a tiny creep-faced pervert, but at least he helped reveal the fact that Donald Trump is exactly as gross as we all suspected.
Undecided voters made up the Town Hall audience. If you don’t know who you’re voting for at this point, may God have mercy on your dumb ass. This group was really in a bad way if their wardrobes were any clue. It looks like these people raided a DMV lost and found to get dressed for this shit.
The debate pretty much went as expected. Donald Trump kind of brushed off the “Grab them by the pussy” comment. Hillary took the “go high” route pretty seriously because that would have been amazing to see her destroy him on that. She didn’t. All women in America let out an audible sigh.
From there on out it was predictably frustrating. Moderators Anderson Cooper and Martha Raddatz tried to keep the train on the rails by keeping the candidates to their speaking time and somewhat fact-checking the crazy-ass claims. I still think there needs to be a phrase stronger than “Silver Fox” to describe Anderson Cooper, but I digress.
Then the token “What do you think about wars and Syria and shit?” question came along. Hillary blabbed on about how she would take care of it as evidenced by her time as Secretary of State. Donald Trump took his time to criticize her and her time as Secretary. Kween Martha Raddatz steps in and lets him know he didn’t answer the question and that his running mate, Mike Pence, answered that question pretty well during his debate. Trump was like, New phone, who Pence? Trump literally acted like he gave no shits about the fact his running mate gave an educated answer. He was like, fuck that guy, we don’t talk anymore and I like listening to myself speak.
If we learned anything from this debate it’s that the internet works quickly to create the real heroes we need. Enter Kenneth Bone. This red-sweatered hunk of man meat inspired a thousand memes. Four for you, Kenneth Bone.
— New York Magazine (@NYMag) October 10, 2016
The last question of the night was basically asking the candidates to say something nice about each other. Clinton took the easy road out and was like, his kids are nice people *shrug*. Trump was like, she’s a fighter (which I’m used to because when I assault women they usually fight back). Seriously. This guy is still in the running to be president. WTF America.
We’re back October 19th for debate number three. That is, if you liver makes it that long.