Last night's PLL summer finale was absolutely fucking crAzy. So crazy in fact that I am not even the least bit ashamed to admit I screamed when they revealed A. However I'm not certain that my reaction was out of shock or fear; shock that it was Toby or fear of seeing Toby's face so close up.
So this aforementioned shit that got cray in Rosewood was all due to Nate/ Lyndon being a complete psycho freak. Like obviously the guy who claimed he spent months planning an attack during which he gets killed was not a part of Team A. Also obviously, he happened to be the only minority on the show (next to Maya, who may we point out was brutally murdered). Hey, we're not being racist here, we're just pointing out facts of other people being racist.
But anyway, Nate/ Lyndon B. Johnson was wearing so much makeup last night that if I were Emily I would have been like fuck, kill Paige if you want, just don't get bronzer all over my new white blouse.
Aria: Wait there's more…I found the baby's mom, and it's ALEX MACK.
Hanna: No fucking way I loved that show
So clearly Aria is dealing with some intense Baby Daddy / Baby supernatural Mama shit right now … but like there's nothing else to say about her. Sorry Ari, time to give up Ezzy F Baby to his rightful owner, his kid's mom, and move on smaller and better things, i.e. Wes.
Alright Hans, we're not going to say that Caleb got himself shot, but we're also definitely going to say that. He brought a gun to a knife fight and placed it next to a killer who was lightly stabbed by a girl. Caleb, didn't the Navajo's teach you better? No white man's gun, use poisonous spices.
Although we must say Hanna, your crying fit at the end was convincing, but when they showed the clip in the beginning of the episode we thought you may have just been bugging that you gained back 10 lbs.
We learned a few things about you last night, one being that you're an avid Sharon Stone fan, and two that you just fucked A, on toille bedding.
Anyway, I think I vommed up the meal I shared with the garbage when Spencer responded to Toby's “are you sure” with a sexual nod of approval. Like come on Spence, EWW. SERENITY NOW!
Ah, the fun begins. We'd like to start off by commending you on the hole-in-shoulder sweater thing you wore while RuPaul attempted to kill Paige with a letter opener. Golf clap.
But ok, who in their right mind would go to a cabin alone with the bro who came on to you knowing full well that you used to have sex with his female cousin? I mean, something's not right there… Well, other than the Jergens/Nars Casino combination he uses on his face.
We'd also like to point out that A totally tried to save you with that Saw VIII / The Ring style phone call. Yet instead of running for your life, you chose to sit on the couch attempting to get service on your flip phone. Moving on…
Seeing as this is PLL, all fatal confrontations happen at highly elevated locations. Spencer and Ian in the church bell tower, Hanna and Mona on top of that cliff, and now Emily and Nate in a light tower. Grool. Maybe next time, Aria (seeing as you're most definitely next), try to keep your fights on sea level.
Monsters A Toby. This we can't believe. But we have been saying it all along, he is way too fugly to be trusted.
PS. Did you just phone the girls and say “68 I owe u 1?” Because we swear we heard that.
Until the Halloween episode, betches.