As you’ve probably noticed, there’s currently a misconception going around that it’s cute to post about your significant other as if you don’t know who they are. “Five years with this guy ain’t so bad…” has somehow become a popular anniversary caption. “Can’t complain about this kid” runs rampant in our newsfeeds as a description of a couple that’s known each other their entire lives. And “This person though…” doesn’t get flagged as inappropriate by a guy’s friends when written under a basic picture of him and his girlfriend. It has officially reached an epidemic level, which means it’s time to talk about why this needs to stop.
First and most obvious, “this person” has a name. If you’ve been dating them for any extended period of time, you probably know what it is. You can use it when talking about them, because that’s how names work. Just FYI.
If you don’t feel like being that specific, you might say something along the lines of “I have the best boyfriend!” or “She’s my favorite.” It’s not Shakespeare, don’t get me wrong, but at least the message is clear.
“This guy” on the other hand, is extremely vague and not at all endearing. I’m genuinely confused about why so many people find it adorable. For one thing, let’s look at an example of that phrase in a context that actually makes sense:
“I was walking down the street and this guy started following me for like ten minutes. It was so sketchy I almost called the police!”
…and that is the same term you’re describing your boyfriend with.
Of course, we all know why certain people use this kind of terminology. They’re tryhards who think that referring to their relationships in a flippant way is going to earn them everyone else’s admiration and excessive validation. But it’s so painfully obvious, and so desperate, that I just can’t be a passive bystander any longer.
Another blatant issue with people who do this is that they assume we give enough of a shit to keep up with their lives. Sometimes I genuinely don’t know who “this kid” is—is it your brother, your cousin, your favorite barista at Starbucks? I don’t know and I definitely don’t care enough to find out.
And finally, how long is this going to go on for? Are you going to be talking to your future children like, “Hey why don’t you give this guy a hug?” And they’re like, “Who? Dad?”
It’s all just so absurd so please stop immediately or break up so we don’t have to deal with it.
P.S. For more stupid shit you need to stop doing in relationships, get our second book.