197. Overreacting

As betches from birth we've obviously gotten used to a life of #192 getting whatever the fuck we want right now. And while that's true 99% of the time, if everything were perfect we wouldn't have anything to #1 talk shit about and then where would we be? Exactly, bored as fuck. This is why all betches must overreact.

Now if we are supposed to be chill and not give a shit about anything, why overreact? Simple answer. It's a nicegirl-proof way to get what you want from anyone. The better your overreaction, the quicker you'll be given what you want in exchange for shutting up. Some may call this spoiled, we prefer 'efficient.' I mean technically you could just call this post 'reacting' since overreacting is the only way to act.

The key elements to conducting a successful overreaction are primarily #80 bitching and extreme exaggeration. For example upon encountering a long bathroom line at a club, you just hold your mouth dramatically and mumble about having to vom and voila, the handicap stall is yours for the peeing.

Some classic examples of betchy overreaction include:

The barista prepares your drink incorrectly: Are you fucking kidding me, skim plus and EQUAL? Where am I, a diner in 1999? Whoever said skim plus is the new skim was seriously disturbed.

The SAB you're hooking up with hasn't texted you back for 25 minutes: Who the fuck does he think he is taking this long to answer?? Check the news, he better be dead.

The waiter at a group dinner informs you they only serve beer and wine: I did not come to your establishment to be treated this way! We want a copy of your liquor license, the long form.

Nothing you want to watch on TV: There's nothing on I'm calling Time Warner right now I'm INCONSOLABLE. And I've already watched everything on the DVR. Twice!

Your annoying roommate asks you, “What's your deal for tonight?” WHAT'S YOUR DEAL FOR LIFE!?!?!

So betches, next time you're up against adversity, just remember there's nothing wrong with staging a massive shit fit. It's a great way to get sympathy and a xanax prescription. Finally, it's a great way to combat the haters who accuse you of being lazy and putting no effort into your life. Any person who doesn't see overreacting as a full time job either has too much botox to get visibly angry or worse, can put things into perspective.

#196 Not Having a Sense of Direction


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