Stop Trying To Make Novelty Pool Floats Happen

I’d say it’s been about a year since these giant novelty pool toys have really become a “thing,” and I’d also like to say that they need to be over. As soon as I saw Chrissy Teigen swimming with a giant hashtag on Instagram I knew I had to put a stop to this.


Hashtag cant swim #cantswim #REVOLVEinthehamptons #cravingsBBQ @revolve

A photo posted by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on


Last summer was the summer of the giant swan pool float; can we please stop this year from being the summer of ironic pool floats? Like, do you really want your feeds filled with wannabe swimsuit models posing on emojis or the Snapchat ghost or Kylie Lipkit lips? Look, Chrissy Teigen got away with her hashtag because she is CHRISSY TEIGEN, writing “fashion blogger” in your bio doesn’t automatically make you the same as her.

Also, can we all just note that the certified Queen Of The Basics, Taylor Swift, didn’t post any pics of her and her famous friends with any pool toys during her well-known 4th of July bash? Granted, she did have a giant inflatable slide that Ruby Rose Instagrammed, so I’ll say this: If your backyard is big enough to fit a 100-foot blow-up slide, we’ll allow it. Also, if you happen to look like Ruby Rose, you can do whatever the fuck you want. Also, please call me.


Ruby and Chrissy aside, for the rest of you plebes: Can we please just stop with all novelty pool toys? I’m not saying you should stop going to the pool, I’m saying that you need to stop using giant inflatable props in an attempt to look like you aren’t bored AF stuck at home all summer.

Since pool floats are out now because I said so, just get creative. Maybe go back to the look-how-skinny-my-thighs-are-based-off-of-this-thigh-gap-shot-of-me-standing-on-the-beach pics. I mean, the classics never go out of style.


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