Picture, if you will, the singular most absurd scenario you can imagine. A raccoon turning a slick double play on the baseball diamond? Sure. Hillary Clinton caught pegging Donald Trump? Absolutely, and also stay out of my masturbatory fantasies. But it’s an ultimately futile exercise, because nothing you can imagine will be more bizarre than one of the world’s most famous rappers being married to a woman whose fame was launched by being peed on by a D-list musician, who also wears jackets decorated with her own likeness, and both of them standing idly by as their young daughter tumbles to the ground at some kind of ritzy event.
Alas, that’s exactly what happened at an unknown date in the above Instagram video. Kourtney, who is the best Kardashian because she’s the hottest and that’s the full extent of that family’s value to the world, steps in and scoops up young North. Her father, Kanye, is in the background, probably thinking of a way to turn the sound his flailing daughter just made into a beat for a terrible rap song. Her mother Kim Kardashian is standing right there, but is too busy to look up from her phone.
I’m not saying Kim’s a bad mother, but I’m also not-not saying that it would be a good thing if the plane carrying all of these people crashed, and the only survivors were North and all of Kanye’s albums prior to My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.