Go on Instagram to where you can see what photos the people you follow have liked, find any guy you know and I guarantee you’ll see that in the past hour he’s liked at least one borderline naked photo of Niykee Heaton. Works 60% of the time, everytime. When she’s not naked, Niykee Heaton is a singer who got her start doing YouTube covers of popular rap songs and made it big when she covered Chief Keef’s “Love Sosa.” Fast forward to now, where she’s had some industry troubles and has gone out on her own to produce not only her own album but also her own sold-out tour—proving the lengths dudes will go to in order to see some ass. Despite her #ThirstTrap status, (this girl is semi ridiculous. Her entire Instagram is essentially naked photos even though she claims her “whole life [she’s] been the ugly duckling.” Yawn.) she actually has a pretty decent voice and every song on the album features a very hip-hop-influenced sound and something catchy that keeps you at the very least intrigued.
The Bedroom Tour Playlist is definitely worth the listen so at the very least you have shit-talking ammo, so here’s a track by track breakdown.
“I’m Ready”: I originally thought this song was about losing your virginity. I was wrong. Niykee clearly suffers from the same disease as Ariana Grande: she can’t enunciate any of her words.
“Bad Intentions (Featuring Migos)”: Don’t be surprised when this is remixed twenty thousand times and you eventually hate it because it’s too overplayed.
“Infinity”: The lyrics are pretty amateur but the song still makes the cut for decency. Get ready for sappy Instagram captions that say “I could fuck with you for eternity, infinity” from all your least favorite couples. Barf.
“Say Yeah”: Possibly a good pregame song if the pregame has just started and no one’s really arrived yet. Basically, a good song if you’re drinking with your roommates (or alone).
“King”: God, every song on this album just reminds me of sex. Sort of like Beyoncé’s self-titled album, except way less amazing.
“NBK”: Even the least sexual song on the album (about her and her manager Lauren sticking it to the man) makes me question my sexuality. Is Niykee Heaton my Ruby Rose? God, what does that say about me?
“Lullaby”: Arguably the best song on the album. A tad repetitive, but relatable.
“Mask”: Catchy beat.
“Devil”: More sexual confusion and catchy beats. Honorable mention to the sarcasm throughout the song: “Thank your girl for last night, ask her how she doing”. +1 for shadiness.
“OT”: Niykee Heaton is officially whatever the girl version of a SAB is. This whole song is literally her letting a dude know she’s about to fuck up his whole life—same.
“Nexus”: Everyone’s new favorite way to let someone know there’s nothing better out there: “Now you’re looking at the Nexus / Nothing better than the best, I’m the bestest”.
“Dream Team”: Another love song to her manager, Lauren Pisciotta. Can you say wo-mance? Ho-mance? IDK, whatever the female version of bromance is.