Bachelor Nation’s fuzzy-headed Peter Pan aka Nick Viall hasn’t really been kicking ass on this season’s Dancing With The Stars, to say the least. In fact, much like the man himself, his scores have been largely unremarkable and middle-of-the-road.
Allegedly, Nick is planning a Rhumba to Ed Sheeran’s “Shape of You” for Monday night’s episode of DWTS. Rhumba is a type of dance by the way, You’re thinking Roomba which is that magic robot vacuum thing. There’s a difference.
Anyway, this is the Most Memorable Year episode of the season, in which, I guess, the contestants base a dance on something memorable to them. Since Nick’s life has probably been catastrophically unremarkable apart from his 90 million Bachelor franchise appearances, he chose the highlight of his time on TV:
that time he cried for 10 weeks straight his time as the Bachelor. So naturally he’s dedicating “Shape of You” to Vanessa. Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth.
We all know Vanessa barely likes Nick and mostly stays with him to be famous, right? I feel like that fact is going to make Nick’s heartfelt explanation of why he chose her as the topic of his dance super awkward for everyone. I can’t with ABC anymore. Like, quit pushing this Nick and Vanessa happy couple fake news agenda on us.
When it’s time for heartfelt explanations of why this is his “Most Memorable” dance, drink every time Nick lisps the word “amazing” in relation to his time on the show/his relationship with Vanessa. I have a feeling you’re going to be drunk AF within the first three sentences. Go with wine instead of hard alcohol if you have work in the morning.
If Nick doesn’t get 10s on this next dance, he could legit be going home—once again fulfilling his destiny of losing at everything and humiliating himself on national television. His parents must be so proud. To put it in perspective, Nick is worse at this competition than the Real Housewife who doesn’t wear underwear. Just focus on that for a minute. This really could be the end of the road for him. Let’s be honest, the only way Nick can get 10s is if they’re tricked into hanging out with him after being promised Luke Pell. Heyo!